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Strap on dildo play: everything you need to know, plus one or two sexy secrets


According to a recent article in Men’s Health, more people are embracing the delights of pegging. Pegging is the practice of a woman shagging a man with a strap on dildo – a term originally coined by sex advice columnist Dan Savage after he realised there was no specific word for it and set his Savage Love readers the task of deciding what it should be called. I explain this anecdote every time I write about sex with a strap on, because I like the thought that there are other sexual practices out there crying out for a cool nickname, and one day I hope to find one and get to name it myself. What do you call it when you abandon all pretence of foreplay and instead opt to just point at your genitals and say ‘want a go?’ I think that’s my specialty – shout out your name suggestions in the comments.

Sorry, I got distracted. Apparently more heterosexual couples are buying strap on dildos and having a go at pegging. Why not, right? More of us are indulging in anal sex toys and prostate massage, and pegging sits somewhere in the same zone, but with the added bonus that it comes with even more sexy kit.

I’ve written a guide before on how to pick the best strap on harness, so for this post I thought I’d run through the strap on dildos themselves: what’s available, how do you use them, and are there any special strap on tricks you should have a go at trying? Let’s find out.

What’s the best strap on dildo?

Like an annoying careers advisor being asked what the ‘best’ job is, I’m going to tell you that no one thing can be perfect for everyone – the key is in finding what’s best for you and the person you’re planning to get it on with.

If this is your first time using a strap on dildo with someone, my general rule is that the person using the strap on gets to pick the harness, and the person on the receiving end gets to pick the dildo. That way the penetrator can choose something that makes them feel sexy and comfortable, and the penetratee can pick a comfortable sized dildo that they get excited about shagging. ‘Surprising’ your partner with the whole shebang might lead to them feeling nervous or intimidated, but if you pick your kit together it makes the whole thing much easier. And as an added bonus, I often find the very act of browsing sex toy websites together can kick off a bit of fantasising and pre-sex-toy-delivery sex.

I’ll give you a couple of good ones to kick off your browsing:

This Loving Joy Curved Silicone Strap On is an excellent starter toy. Slim and smooth to make penetration easy (as long as you use lots of lube and take things slowly), it’s a great one to begin with. Plus the curve in the shaft is designed to put pleasure on the all-important prostate.

And if you’re after something that’s entirely strapless, you might want to check out this Hands Free Silicone Strap On Dildo – it has ridges and bulbs for a more intense sensation when it’s being inserted and pulled out.

It also leads me neatly on to my next section…

What’s a strapless strap on dildo?

It might sound like an oxymoron, but not only is it a real thing, it’s a real thing with plenty of options for the strapless strap on connoisseur. Strapless strap on dildos – also sometimes called ‘double ended strap on dildos’ have a bulb at one end and the more phallic-shaped dildo at the other. You ‘wear’ them by inserting the bulb end into your vagina, so the tension of your own muscles holds the strap on in place, and allows you to shag without a harness.

It takes a little getting used to: the first time I ever used one I struggled because the bulb slid out occasionally. But the trick is to close your legs tight once the bulb is inside you, and focus on positions that allow you to keep them closed: your silicone penis will stick out proudly, ready to be wielded for some excellent sexy fun.

If you want a little extra stimulation, some strap ons, like this Simply Strapless Small Strap On dildo, also come with a bullet vibrator embedded into the base, so that the person wearing it can get the thrill of vibrations against their clitoris while you’re playing.

And naturally, you can get a large strap on dildo (and medium!) via Simply Strapless too. Remember what I said earlier though: don’t just go for the biggest because you’re ambitious! Have a chat with the person you’ll be using it on so you can choose the size that’ll be comfortable for them.

Strap on dildos for men

I’ll let you in on a little secret: before I write these blogs I get to find out some of the search terms people use most often when they’re looking for particular toys. It means I can tailor the content to the questions people tend to ask, so I can make sure I’m answering all the relevant ones. Turns out some of the most popular terms for strap ons relate to the specific type of user: ‘female strap on dildo’, ‘strap on dildo for men’, ‘lesbian strap on’, etc. Now. There aren’t any specific types of strap on just for one kind of user because everyone’s different. And although for many people, the first association with strap on dildos is that they’re usually worn by women, in fact anyone can wear them and there are some really fun things you can do if you’re up for experimenting – see below!

There are a few specific strap ons that are designed for people with penises (though as I say, they can be used by anyone!). This hollow strap on by Fetish Fantasy is designed so you slip your own penis inside it. Useful for those with erectile difficulties who still want to enjoy penetrative sex, or if you fancy playing some kinky ‘orgasm denial’ games – getting someone to shag you with a strap on but not feel the sensation in their penis is, I’m told, an excellent BDSM trick. And judging by how happy this chap is, I’m pretty sure it works…

Strap on dildo top tips

Here are a few of my top strap on tips, which should help you explore a few fun possibilities:

  • Firstly you’ll need to know how to use a strap on dildo. It is fairly straightforward, and if you’ve done anal play before you’ll already know the basics: plenty of lube, take things slowly, etc. But the key difference is that because you can’t feel the angles with your own strap on dildo, it can be a little harder to guide it in – and make sure it stays in! I can’t tell you how many times I have been eagerly humping someone only for one or other of us to realise that partway through I’ve slipped out and started shagging the duvet. Lots of communication here is key, and don’t feel embarrassed if you miss the spot: it’s not as easy as it is with a cock you can feel through, but you’ll get the hang of it with enough practice.
  • Experiment with positions. Although in TV and films you’ll usually see someone getting pegged in doggy style (I’m looking at you, Deadpool), in fact you can use a strap on dildo in pretty much any sex position you can think of. Personally I’m a fan of lying on my back and getting a guy to ride my awesome strap on, because that way not only do I get to watch his face I also get to use my hands on his cock at the same time. There’s also a deeply enticing thrill about getting someone to suck a strap on as a warm-up to them getting shagged: it’s not a view I get to see that often, as I don’t have a cock of my own, and I know I’m not the only girl who finds watching someone else do it a massive turn on.
  • Have a go with double penetration. If the person wielding the strap on has a cock of their own, then combining the two means you can technically achieve double-penetration. I know, because I have tried it, and let me tell you it was excellent. It’s especially handy if, like me, you want something slightly slimmer than your partner’s penis for anal play.

You know the drill by now: it’s time to take all these tips and ideas, grab a cup of tea (or something a little stronger – it’s Friday, after all) and sit down with your partner to pick the strap on dildo of your wildest dreams. Then all you need to do is clockwatch until it arrives and you can get stuck in to some pegging of your own.

Oh, and let me know if you can think of any terms for that sex thing I mentioned. It’s not fair that Dan Savage gets to have all the naming fun.

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