Sit in my love chair: outrageous erotic furniture (and affordable equivalents!)

Image of a sign that says 'sex: do not disturb'

I am a big fan of unusual erotic furniture. There’s something about putting a tonne of work and craftsmanship into something beautiful and substantial that you will use solely for the purpose of sex. Perhaps the most outrageous and famous item of erotic furniture is the love chair that belonged to King Edward VII. Behold its beauty, and try to guess what it’s for before I tell you lower down the page…

King Edward VII’s love chair

If you guessed ‘to have sex with two women at the same time’ then congratulations – give yourself a gold star for being able to tell good erotic furniture from a random Ikea mishap. This chair was custom made by the Soubrier manufacturer in the early 20th century. The company is still going strong, though I’m not sure they’d craft you a love chair of your own these days – it might cause a bit of controversy. If you’re a king, though, it probably can’t hurt to ask.

While it might be nice to own a love chair fit for a king, you don’t need a regal bank balance to take advantage of some of the cool sex furniture on the market at the moment. At the simplest (and comfiest!) end of the spectrum, there’s a fantastic selection of sex pillows on the market which will help you get into almost any sexual position – check out this recent blog post on sex pillow positions to get an idea of what’s possible.

Erotic furniture for thrusting

The world is littered with incredible, creative examples of erotic furniture that’s designed to actually be shagged: from sex machines with thrusting dildos to the more arty end of the spectrum which includes this literal ‘fuck bike’ from the New York Museum of Sex.

I visited the museum a few years ago when I was in NYC and while I was assured it’s designed for aesthetics rather than practicality, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have a sex bike in my own home.

Luckily for you, you don’t need to go all the way to New York to experience mechanical thrusting: right here on this site you can find thrusting vibrators that will give similar thrills for a fraction of the price.

Erotic furniture for bondage

Perhaps some of the most outrageous erotic furniture is that found in dungeons. It seems to me that nearly every month we get a new report from somewhere like Vice highlighting property listings which have accidentally (or, in this case, deliberately) included detailed shots of someone’s highly-personalised and well-equipped sex dungeon.

But while we all probably want to lust after the incredible cage-themed four-poster bed or the spanking bench that looks like it could hold you safe in any position even during an earthquake, again there’s no need for any of us mere mortals to spend tens of thousands on expensive kit.

Some of my favourite bondage equipment is simple enough that it can turn other objects in your house into erotic furniture. Like these door jam cuffs, which you slip in between the top of a door and the door jam, thus turning your door into something akin to a St Andrew’s Cross. I have two pairs of these at home – the first pair we broke through spectacular overenthusiasm, and the second we bought immediately to replace them, because once we were hooked we realised we couldn’t live without them.

Door Jamb Cuffs
Door Jam Cuffs: incredible BDSM equipment for just £19.95

Of course then there’s the Fetish Fantasy sex swing, perhaps the most versatile item of erotic furniture that we sell here on the site, but I’ll avoid going into too much detail on that because you can simply check out last week’s blog post on sex swing positioning to get an idea of how you might want to use it.

Fetish Sex Swing
For just over £100, you could own your own sex swing!

Other simple equipment includes this fantastic under-the-mattress restraint system. You get four mount points to tie your willing victim to, and you don’t need to worry about knots: the wrist and ankle straps fasten with velcro for ease. As the whole thing sits neatly under your mattress, you don’t need to worry about bringing it out or putting it away at the end of your play session either – you can just tuck the restraints back under the mattress ready to be whipped out next time you’re in the mood.

Under the Mattress Restraint Kit
Grab the under-the-mattress restraint system for £24.95

Finally, I wanted to draw your attention to something a little less out of the ordinary, which can turn your average bed into an item of erotic furniture for a particularly slippery kind of shag. This PVC bed sheet just slides over your bed (or your sofa, or the floor) and immediately gives you a safe environment in which to indulge in nuru massage or anything that involves you getting wet and messy. And if you want something even more sturdy, there’s the body slide play mat, which is less than £40 but has inflatable sides to make sure that no matter how enthusiastic you are, your lube and juices won’t drip onto your regular furniture.

Slip n slide, but not as we know it…

So you see, sex furniture doesn’t have to break the bank like Edward VII’s – there are a number of awesome bondage restraint kits and other devices that can turn your average home into a very adult playroom. Pick your favourites, add them to your basket, and look forward to spending time using budget erotic furniture that still makes you feel like royalty.

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