What Is Outercourse? Intimacy Without Penetration
Remember the days of your hormone-riddled youth when penetration may have been off the table, but you still managed to get creative and drive each other wild? Pleasure is nuanced, and sex is so much more than foreplay, penetration, and orgasm. We dare you to rejig the formula and remember that non-penetrative sex has so many benefits and can be just as enjoyable. Whether you find penetration painful or want to spice things up, step out of your routine and embrace the orgasmic joys of outercourse.
What is outercourse?
Outercourse is any form of sexual activity that doesn’t involve anal or vaginal penetration. It encompasses a wide range of sexual acts, so the definition of it will vary. Any gender or sexual orientation can explore it, and it involves stimulating different erogenous zones in some way. Some folks might put outercourse under the same umbrella as foreplay since it can include activities like cunnilingus, nipple stimulation, or erotic massage.
Outercourse vs. Abstinence
Outercourse can be a form of abstinence, but it doesn’t have to be. Abstinence technically means not having sex with anyone, but it means different things to different people. For people having non-penetrative sex as a form of birth control or a way to minimize pregnancy risks, it can absolutely count as a form of abstinence! Just remember that it can still come with some risks, which we’ll cover later.
Why do people have outercourse?
There are many reasons people might have outercourse sex, including health reasons and pleasure.
It doesn’t require any equipment
That is unless you want to level up and maximise pleasure with sex toys! You can use your hands and mouth to explore this, making it one of the most accessible forms of pleasure.
It’s pain-free compared to penetration
For people with conditions like vulvodynia, vaginismus, or endometriosis, outercourse (meaning non-penetrative pleasure) can be a way to stimulate erogenous zones without the pain associated with penetration.
A creative alternative to period sex
Does penetration feel good for women on their period? For people with vulvas who still get aroused during their cycle but find period sex painful or are just not comfortable with the idea of penetration while menstruating, intimacy without intercourse is a sexy solution. For example, the non-menstruating partner might use a vibrator on the other person.
You’re not ready for penetration
Whether you’ve never had sex or aren’t ready due to another reason like past sexual trauma or body dysmorphia, that’s totally valid. It’s also suitable for people who just gave birth or had surgery, as sex can cause stitches to tear. Additionally, if someone is recovering from an STI and it’s unsafe to engage in certain sexual activities, this can be a less risky alternative. Penetration is always optional and should never be an obligation in any relationship.
Many women don’t orgasm from penetration
Clitoral stimulation and cunnilingus are both forms of outercourse, and it’s how many women climax. Research says that only 18% of people with vulvas can reach orgasm from penetrative sex, so this is often a necessary part of playtime if everyone involved wants to orgasm! With the right outer stimulation of erogenous zones, you might even squirt for the first time — no penetration required.
You want to spice things up
Everyone’s guilty of falling into a rut at times. Even if you do have penetrative sex but are looking to mix up your routine, exploring different routes of outercourse can be the ultimate antidote to boredom. It can help you understand your desires better — and your partner’s desires!
Is outercourse foreplay?
Since foreplay is often associated with non-penetrative sex acts, many consider the two to be related. But it’s important to remember that foreplay can be sex, and by that logic, outercourse can be too! It’s the perfect chance to explore new sensations and pleasure paths. What gets you going? What drives your partner wild? What type of pressure and patterns do you enjoy when playing with sex toys? Does lube enhance the feeling of being caressed, or do you enjoy the friction of rubbing without it?
Types of outercourse
There is an unlimited combination of things you can experiment with on your sexual menu, but here are some of the most popular ones that get the job done. Feel free to combine one or more of some fan favourites below:
Kissing and making out
Although this is on the more PG end of things, there’s nothing to ignite high school-level horniness than remembering just how hot a good make-out sesh can be. Pro tip: while it’s optional, this can be combined with some clothes-on dry humping to really take that desire up a notch.
Erotic massage
A sensual massage can help you explore erogenous zones like the back, legs, bum, and inner thighs. Drizzle on a liberal amount of massage oil for a smoother touch. Looking to get extra naughty? Opt for a flavoured massage oil or gel and lick it off your partner — blindfold them to up the anticipation even more.
Oral sex
Using your mouth on erogenous zones is one of the oldest forms of pleasure that exists. Rimming, blowjobs, or cunnilingus are all forms of outercourse as long as no penetration is involved — but we supposed the definition might have some wiggle room based on where that tongue wanders…remember to use dental dams or condoms if neither of you have been regularly tested for STIs.
The One Rose
Mutual masturbation
What’s hotter than playing with yourself in front of your partner? Watching your partner play with themselves at the same time. Combining voyeurism and solo play, this form of sexual outercourse ensures that you get stimulated exactly how you want. It’s also one of the best intimate ideas for couples who are long distance and looking to experience outercourse together —especially when combined with remote control sex toys.
Grinding or dry-humping
Grinding can stimulate parts of the clitoris beneath the glans or the visible part beneath the hood. It’s a form of broad stimulation that you can do naked, clothed, or in lingerie. Explore different positions and clothing materials to see where the rubbing feels best.
Ride N' Grind Vibrating Silicone Grinder
Cybersex and phone sex
Thanks to technology, you can get hot and bothered over the phone, on video chat, or through sending sexts. If hearing your partner’s voice delivering some sweet nothings (or nasty dirty talk) gets you going, send audio notes or hop on a phone call. If you need some visual stimulation, complement that with a video call or send spicy images to each other.
Tribbing or frotting
For two people with vulvas, tribbing which some people refer to as scissoring, can be a sensual way to stimulate each other. To do it, find a position where you can comfortably rub your vulvas together. To become compatible with all genders, it can also involve one person rubbing their vulva on another person’s thigh, which is closer to dry humping or grinding. For two people rubbing their penises together, this is called frotting.
Using vibrators and non-penetrative sex toys
While dildos and internal G-spotters technically wouldn’t count as outercourse, there are plenty of vibrators that do! Vibrators such as wands provide broad stimulation, while bullets provide more targeted vibes. They can stimulate the head or shaft of the penis, the perineum, and the clitoris, making both solid non-penetrative sex ideas for all genders.
Handjobs
There are so many sensitive parts to explore here, from the head to the shaft to the balls. A classic handjob never gets old, and you can even rub on the perineum a little bit if your partner is into that. Consider combining it with a sexy massage that you finish off with a “happy ending.” Add a vibrating cock ring or a feather tickler for additional sensation.
Nipple play
Use your hands, mouth, or breath on each other’s nipples to raise some goosebumps (and maybe some other body parts). To explore the boundaries of pain and pleasure, introduce BDSM into the mix with some nipple suckers, ties, or clamps. You might even have a nipplegasm as a result…
Sensory play and BDSM
Anything involving sensation can fall under this category, so there’s endless territory to explore here. And what is outercourse if not exploration?
Warming or cooling lubes can reduce friction and bring temperature play into the mix, as can body-safe wax candles and heated or cooled glass and metal sex toys. If impact play is your thing, start with spanking before moving on to floggers, whips, or paddles. Putting on blindfolds for any experience can heighten the other senses.
Roleplay
You can combine role-play with any of the above forms of play. Role play doesn’t have to involve penetration, and it can bring an incredibly erotic energy to an encounter without even touching. Do you want to play strangers meeting at a bar for the first time or explore something with uniforms like a sexy cop, firefighter, or maid? Since many role-play scenarios include a dominant and submissive power exchange, this is also an opportunity to explore BDSM.
Sex games
Using naughty dice, board games, or orgasm competitions can be major turn-ons, and some of these games can even help you bond as a couple if that’s your goal. Games can help add structure, commanding you to touch certain erogenous zones or ask each other daring questions.
Outercourse positions
Looking for some inspiration? These positions can be done with or without clothes.
Missionary
When in doubt, a classic is always a banger! This is fabulous for grinding and making out, and you can take turns with who is on top.
69
If oral is your kind of outercourse, look no further than 69. However, if you two are very different heights, you may struggle with reaching the right parts.
Sitting in your partner’s lap
This allows for some steamy eye contact, an even steamier make-out session, and grinding, frotting, or tribbing.
Against the wall
Perfect for those who want to explore dominant and submissive roles, one person pushes the other up against a wall (with consent) and maybe pins their hands above their head, using a free hand to stimulate them with toys.
Spooning
Here, one person gets to press their bum against their partner’s genitals while the other person reaches a hand around to play with their partner’s bits. If the big spoon is a person with a penis, you can also apply lube to the little spoon’s thighs, making for a fun and slippery sex simulation, aka thigh fucking.
The peep show
Face each other with spread legs and masturbate. This way, each partner gets to enjoy the show and see where their partner enjoys stimulation the most. Up the ante by doing this and watching porn together.
Doggy style
The bent-over person will be the one getting stimulated by their partner’s hand, mouth, or toys.
How to make yourself cum from outercourse
While the above positions are fantastic for people exploring outercourse with a partner, you can absolutely engage in this act during solo play. Penetration is not required to orgasm!
If you have a vulva, this is the perfect time to reacquaint yourself with the clitoris. The crura, or legs of the clitoris, alongside the labia. The clit has 8,000 nerve endings, and many of them lie beneath the surface.
They’re stimulated when deep pressure is applied to the labia and vulva, either with hands or toys.
Solo outercourse can be done lying down, standing up in the shower (with waterproof toys only), or laying face-down on the bed holding a toy or your hand against your body. For people with penises, the options are pretty much unlimited.
Don’t be afraid to lean into self-care and set up an ambiance with dim lighting, music, soft blankets, and even some aromatherapy.
Can you get pregnant from outercourse?
Any time fluid gets in the vagina, the risk of pregnancy is possible. You don’t need to have PIV intercourse for this to happen. It may be from semen dripping onto the vulva or from hands that have cum or pre-cum on them, so be careful playing together after mutual masturbation. This act isn't necessarily preventing pregnancy.
In the same vein, STIs are also possible if sexual fluids or genital contact are involved, even without penetration. If you’re dry humping naked or having oral sex, use condoms and dental dams and get tested regularly.
Finally, for some people, outercourse is too tempting, and they move on to intercourse. In this case, you can definitely get pregnant! Always use protection if there’s any chance of penetration.
