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Bondage stories: tales from the front lines of BDSM


I used to think I was a super-cool early adopter of kinky stuff. Much like your iPhone-loving friend likes to think they’re a little bit better than you because they queued outside the shop to get the latest shiny gadget. I went to my first BDSM club when I was nineteen. I first got spanked at eighteen. And I bought my first ball gag before I’d even watched any lesbian bondage porn.

These days, a love of bondage restraints is far more widespread. In fact, it’s so much more widespread that having bondage tape in your bedside drawer is unlikely to raise many eyebrows – we’ve all heard of Fifty Shades, after all, even if only a few of us have actually read the whole book. But despite the ubiquity of BDSM content these days, I think there’s still a misconception that you have to be an expert if you want to play with rope. To assure you that you don’t, I thought I’d tell you a few of my best bondage stories, to whet your appetite for restraints and show that even those of us who have more enthusiasm than skill can enjoy what there is on offer.

Bondage stories: restraints

The category ‘restraints’ covers so many different things it’s quite hard to pick one from all of them. What exactly do we mean by restraint, anyway? It could cover anything from slipping a tie or a belt round the frame of your bed to trussing someone up in erotic shibari-style rope bondage and suspending them from the ceiling.

I can’t remember the first time I was restrained, but I can remember the first – and only time – I ever got suspended with bondage rope. It was in a sexy club somewhere far, far away from here. My lover and I had gone along to what promised it was a ‘bondage bar’, and then sat awkwardly sipping drinks while we waited for things to happen. Luckily for me, there was a gentleman in the bar who really wanted to try out his rope skills – and thanks to someone who could translate for us, he eventually offered to tie me.

I was in the middle of the room, standing semi-clothed in front of a small audience and trembling like a leaf. The man who was tying me walked round me in slow, steady circles, paying out more bondage rope as he stepped around – looping it over my shoulders, around the tops of my arms, under my breasts… He knotted the rope at various strategic places, so I could feel it tightening against my chest – deliciously comfortable, like a corset. Something about the tightness of this made me more aware of my breathing, and I started to feel a real sense of calm and tranquility. So calm and tranquil was I that when he started tying one of my thighs in preparation for suspending me from the ceiling, rather than the natural panic I’d have expected to feel instead I got a thud of arousal. This is actually happening!

You don’t need to have ceiling hooks to take advantage of the joys of bondage rope, though. At Eroticon (a conference for sex writers which is super-fun and you should come along to if you’re into this kind of thing!) one year I watched a live demonstration of rope bondage. Dj Fet, wielding some lovely hemp bondage rope, showed a few really simple knots and ties that you could use to put someone in comfortable, safe restraint. Seeing her work the rope and her model relax into it gave me that same calm feeling I’d had in the bondage bar – and all she had with her was a couple of sets of bondage rope, some safety scissors, and her own fair hands.

If you’re interested in trying it, pick up some bondage rope of your own and check out websites like Shibari 4 Beginners – they have some great tips on how to try bondage safely, and take things one step further from just being tied to the bedposts.

Bondage stories: bondage tape

The key thing you need to know about bondage tape is that it works a little like cling-film: it only sticks to itself. This means you can use it for all kinds of fun and games – you can truss someone up as if it’s gaffer tape, but crucially it won’t stick to your skin or tear any hairs out when you’re done with it.

I have quite a few bondage stories involving tape, because I am lazy and I like the fact that it doesn’t require you to do any knots. But perhaps my favourite story was when a guy bought a whole load of it and then attempted to bind as much of me as possible. From my neck, over my chest (if you thought bondage rope felt nicely like a corset just wait till you try the tape!), and down over my stomach too. He left my lower half free for access, but pinned my arms to my sides so all I could do was lie on the bed looking up at him as he decided what he would do to the rest of me.

Bondage stories: ball gags

Ball gags are another classic piece of bondage equipment. Although some will be a solid ball gag that you can sink your teeth into, most ball gags are hollow with holes in (like this breathable ball gag by Bound to Please) – so that the submissive can breathe while they’re wearing one, even if their nose gets blocked up.

When I first played with ball gags, I realised no one had prepared me for one very important thing: they make you droooooool. Having your mouth held open for a long time means saliva starts to drip from your mouth. The first time I wore one we combined the gag with a doggy-style shag, where my partner pulled gently on the back of the gag while we were shagging. It was deliciously hot, and felt incredibly dominant, until about partway through when I started panicking that I was filling the whole ball with my dribble and looking – not to put too fine a point on it – an entirely unsexy mess.

The response from my partner when he turned me round and saw all the mess I’d made? “That’s hot – you’re such a dirty slut.” So unlike the two stories above, this one has a moral: sometimes drool is very very sexy.

If you’d like to top up your bondage equipment with a ball gag or two, check out the section on masks and gags to find your favourite!

Bondage gear top tips

It would be irresponsible of me to write an article about bondage gear without including some safety tips, so for what it’s worth the key to good bondage is the same as the key to a good heist: always plan your way out first. That means before you get excited about your knots, make sure you have scissors to hand. That goes for bondage tape as well.

If you’re using other kinds of restraints, like metal handcuffs, check exactly where the key is before you lock anyone up, and always keep the key within easy reach of the person being handcuffed. This might seem like an unnecessary step if you’re the dominant but if any of you have read the Stephen King book Gerald’s Game, you’ll understand why: if you suddenly become ill, or faint, you could leave your submissive in a horrible situation. For similar reasons, never leave someone alone when they’re restrained. You might think it’s sexy to pop to the shops, thus leaving them to contemplate what sexy depravity you’ll wreak when you’re back, but anything can happen in that time, and safety should always be paramount. No matter how horny you are.

The final point should probably go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway: communication! The more risk is involved in any activity, the more preparation you need to do in terms of communication and consent. If your partner will be gagged and tied, you need to think of a good way for them to communicate ‘stop’ if they need to. You also need to make sure that none of your bondage restraints are so tight that they start to cut off the circulation. Get your sub to wiggle their fingers and toes at regular intervals, check in to make sure that they are comfortable, and ensure that they know exactly how to say ‘stop’.

When you’re comfortable that you’re both ready to get stuck in, have a look through the bondage equipment section and start looking forward to your first session!

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