It’s not coming home after all, but honestly: can any of us say we haven’t had a hell of a lot of fun? I watched the nailbiting semi-
final against Croatia in the pub, and even in the haze of disappointment afterwards, there was a general feeling that the England
team did us proud. They played brilliantly, even if they didn’t quite make it to the final.
But in the last couple of weeks, amongst an all the news aboutbeer shortages andIkea invasions, I’ve not seen many people
talking about what the winning team will actually get if they win the final on Sunday. That’s right: the World Cup trophy. So to
distract you from our semi-final disappointment, I thought I’d take a closer look at the trophy itself, and see if we can play a little
“Trophy top trumps”.
Specifically, can we find any sex toys that are bigger/heavier/more expensive than the World Cup Trophy itself? Let’s find out.
Vital statistics of the World Cup Trophy
According to Wikipedia, the current incarnation of the World Cup trophy was made in 1974, after over 53 separate designs were
suggested. The winning design depicting the Earth being held up by two people is:
made of 18 carat gold
36.5 cm tall (14.4 inches)
13 cm in diameter (5.1 inches)
5kg heavy (11lb)
Sex toys versus the World Cup trophy: cost
Naturally the World Cup itself is priceless – you can’t measure the value of how exciting it would be to hold the trophy in your
hands. But Wikipedia values the gold trophy itself at over $160,000 – so there are certainly some sex toys that could give it a
run for its money in the very literal sense.
ThePearl Royale is a million dollar vibrator – quite literally, it comes with a price tag of $1 million, and is made from platinum
and covered with over 2,000 diamonds. Sounds cool, until you consider that cleaning your own sex juices from between the
crevices of over 2,000 tiny diamonds probably isn’t the most fun thing to do with your time, especially if you’re snoozing in the
afterglow of a powerful orgasm. Still, if you can afford a million dollar vibrator you’d probably have a butler to do the cleaning for
We don’t sell a million-dollar vibe here at SexToys, because we’re all about the bargains. But we do sell a24 carat gold penis
extender! Or if you’d like to get that bling look for a fraction of the cost, you could pick up this spanking paddle with a gold-
coloured handle, or one of these gorgeousrose-coloured bullet vibrators.
Sex toys vs the World Cup trophy: size
The World Cup trophy stands at 36.5cm tall (that’s 14.4 inches if you still measure things that way) so let’s see if we can find
some sex toys that’d give the trophy a run for its money in the size department.
This Basix fist of fury is certainly an impressively large sex toy: shaped like a human fist and designed either for insertion or just
for displaying on your bedside table to impress your one-night-stands. Sadly it only managed 11inches though, and at 3.5
inches diameter it’s not quite enough to give the World Cup a run for its money. Though I suspect it’d give you a run for yours,
even if you see yourself as a huge sex toy expert.
But if you really want a toy that’s taller than the World Cup trophy, you'll have to look to Doc Johnson. TheirGreat American
Challenge dildo stands at a whopping 17 inches, and if it’s girth you’re after then the American Bombshell butt plug will give you
a good 4.2 inches of diameter.
Results? Sex toys win on length, but for girth we’ve got to hand it to FIFA.
Sex toys versus the World Cup trophy: weight
This is a tricky category because we definitely have plenty of products that would be heavier to shift than the trophy itself. For a
start there’s a huge range ofluxury sex dolls, all of which weigh more than the measly 5 kilograms needed for a win. But that’s
cheating, really, because they’re designed to be realistic so anything less than 5kg would seriously compromise that: no one
wants their lover to blow away on a strong breeze.
So the World Cup trophy wins this one as well: far heavier than any of the sex toys we sell on site, although ours do have the
benefit of being affordable, fun, and much easier to get your hands on than the elusive FIFA trophy. And even if you’re watching
the France-Croatia final on Sunday, afterwards there’ll be a big football-shaped hole in your life, so why not check out
our summer sale and pick toys that make you feel like a winner?