Christmas sex tips: don’t let the festive season hamper your sex life

Image of a sign that says 'sex: do not disturb'

We’re already getting into the Christmas spirit here at – on our homepage you’ll see a different discount code every day in the run-up to Christmas. Bargain offers on sex toys, cheap deals on sexy lingerie, and today free shipping on all our products! Just enter the code FREESHIP at the checkout, and keep an eye out for other offers as December rolls on.

But what if you can’t make time for sex and masturbation at Christmas? That’s where I come in. Here are my top Christmas sex tips to help you ensure you get enough ‘me’ time even in the middle of a wrapping paper/stocking/roast dinner snowstorm!

Does Christmas hamper your sex life?

I know that for some people, masturbation can be a neat way to relieve sexual tension. That’s broadly the case for me too – in the moment, nothing helps knock stress on the head quite like a lovely wank. But I also find that if I end up going without orgasms – whether through sex, masturbation, oral sex, or whatever – my sex drive takes a bit of a nosedive. It’s almost as if my body forgets that orgasms are nice, and dials down my horniness accordingly.

So you can imagine that Christmas is a bit of a stressful time. There’s lots of family visits to contend with, not to mention drinks parties that leave me exhausted and too drunk to shag. I’m sure the same is true for many of you as well, but don’t worry – there are ways to make sure you get your orgasm fix even during this busy time of year. Today I’m going to share some of my Christmas sex tips with you – ways you can carve out time for yourself in the run-up to Christmas, and over the holiday season.

Christmas sex tips: how to make time for yourself

Escape the Office Christmas Party

Some office parties are great fun – a chance to let your hair down and hang out with your favourite colleagues, bitching about the boss. But others are a snoozefest – you get seated next to that boring person from marketing, and the booze budget is so low you’re nursing half a glass of warm white wine until nearly midnight, wishing you could be back at home.

In this situation, you need an escape accomplice. Prime a friend or relative to give you a call a couple of hours in to the party, telling you of some made-up emergency. Your boiler’s packed in, a pipe has burst in the bathroom, your babysitter has come down with the bubonic plague, whatever it is. All you need to do is take the phone call, frown and look stressed, then make your excuses and head back home for some well-earned ‘me time.’

And seeing as you’ve bought yourself a whole free evening, how about buying yourself some bondage equipment to play with when you’re safely ensconced at home? Or give your playtime a ‘Secret Santa’ feel by picking up the Secret Swag Bag – a surprise collection of items that will be worth at least twice the £24.95 you’ll have paid for it!

Have a Christmas Day ‘nap’

The turkey’s been picked clean, all the roast potatoes are gone, and if anyone so much as mentions ‘mince pies’ you swear you’re going to burst. Post-Christmas-dinner is the perfect time to sneak away from the gathered friends and family and go for a little, private ‘nap.’ And by ‘nap’ I mean ‘opportunity to work up a little appetite for the cheese board by wanking in secret in your bedroom.’ Simply yawn, make your excuses, and tell them all you’ll be back in an hour for a game of charades.

For this all you need is a quiet vibrator – emphasis on the quiet, naturally, in case someone else is napping in the bedroom next door. I have a lot of love for Rocks Off when it comes to quieter vibes – the RO-80 is a dinky bullet vibe that certainly can’t be heard through the walls in my house!

Or if you’re after something even quieter, a G-spot dildo like this curved one from Loving Joy would certainly be fun to play with!

Do the washing up

This one is the trickiest, but I think most guaranteed to be effective: do the washing up. Whether Christmas is happening at your house or someone else’s, everyone’s going to be glad if you stand up from the sofa and announce you’re off to do the chore people least want to do. Leave them in front of Die Hard on the telly (my other half insists it really is a Christmas film) then pop off to the kitchen and wash all the dishes. If you then sneak off to your bedroom to masturbate, or bring your partner with you for a quick round of silent-but-passionate sex, no one will come and disturb you – they’ll all be too busy hiding in the living room in case they get asked to pick up a dishcloth!

Seeing as you’ve been a Christmas angel and done the dishes, I reckon you deserve a treat – so perhaps for this it’s a good time to open a Luxury Bondage Bundle – comes complete with a gag so if you’re shagging while the Christmas telly is on, no one will hear you moan with happiness! Maybe save the flogging for when you don’t have company though…

Christmas sex tips: tell me yours!

As a very horny person, and long-time smoker, I am always keen to find more excuses for sneaking away from the big family gatherings when Christmas comes around. So tell me: what are your top Christmas sex tips? How do you carve out time for yourself during the festive season? Let me know in the comments and when January rolls round, I’ll tell you which ones worked! In the meantime, get shopping and stock up on pre-Christmas treats! Use FREESHIP today for free shipping, and keep your eyes on our homepage for new deals and offers!

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