How to Explore Soft Kink and Beginner BDSM
How to Explore Soft Kink and Beginner BDSM
Kink can sound overwhelming to many, but it doesn’t have to be scary. Oftentimes, kink conjures up images of ball gags, dungeons, and whips, but there’s a form of kink that’s more vanilla…meet soft kink. This intro to BDSM shows that kinky sex can also be gentle and sensual. It can teach partners how to prioritize trust and communication in the bedroom, but it’s also possible to explore kink during solo play if you’re single or looking to spice up your masturbation routine.
What is soft kink?
Soft kink is a lighter and less intense form of BDSM that allows you to explore sensation play and power without the pain that’s often involved in sadism or masochism. Soft kink also strays away from “heavier” forms of S&M, such as psychological play, which can include degradation or humiliation.
Instead, this intro to kink focuses on sensory exploration and enhancing connection through mindful touch. Slowing down and fully engaging each of your senses, sometimes through sensory deprivation, which can heighten other senses. In short, soft kink allows you to explore new pathways to pleasure that aren’t necessarily restricted to the genitals.
While people of all experience levels are welcome to explore, it’s particularly beginner-friendly for BDSM newsbies. So what exactly are the best toys for kinky activities with a vanilla theme?
The best soft kink sex toys
These sex toys will help maximise sensation and build anticipation….use them during foreplay or the main act for mind-blowing pleasure!
Feather ticklers
Tickling is playful and can wake up the many nerves in your erogenous zones. Tickle your partner (or yourself) during your next session and see what pleasure zones you’ve been neglecting. You can even treat yourself to a vibrating silicone feather tickler for even more sensation.
The Tickler Vibrating Silicone Feather Tickler
Blindfolds
A padded blindfold is the ultimate beginner BDSM accessory; removing sight often enhances tactile pleasure. It’s also a way to loosen your inhibitions and build anticipation. If you want to explore different fantasies, a blindfold can allow you to immerse yourself in your imagination further and stay in the moment.
Silky restraints
If the idea of metal cuffs and chains stresses you out, lean into the sensual side of restraints with soft, fur-lined handcuffs and silk ties. These restraints are also TSA-friendly, which is an added perk! If you want to up the ante a bit, add in one of those blindfolds we mentioned above to make the restrained partner even more submissive and up the anticipation?
Nights in Tied Satin - 2 x Silk Sash Restraints
Soft kink start kits
An affordable entry into the world of kinks, vanilla-plus sets like this offer a curated and often cheaper alternative to buying individual items.
Wearable sex toys
These might already be in your arsenal, but you haven’t used them in a kinky way. Remote-controlled or app-controlled vibrators, vibrating panties, and strokers allow one partner to control sensation over the other partner, which can be a hot way to explore power play and themes like domination and submission.
My Secret Screaming O - Remote Vibrating Panties
Wartenberg wheels
These spiky wheels, which are available in metal and plastic materials, are a reliable option for those who want to start gently before possibly increasing sensation and intensity. You can customize the pressure you apply to the pinwheel, going from a feather-light touch to a stronger one.
Lil Devil Mini Sensation Wheel
How to masturbate using soft kink
If you want to explore gentle kink during masturbation, temperature and sensation play are safe and approachable options. You can trace a feather tickler or an ice cube up and down your body. Another possibility is to wear a blindfold during solo play to enhance touch. A hands-free vibrator can leave you free to use a tickler or other sensation play toy, like wearable claws, which can mimic the feeling of long nails scratching. Adjustable nipple clamps, nipple balms, or nipple suckers are also ideal to combine with a hands-free toy.
Additionally, edging is a great way to engage in solo power play and anticipation. Using a toy or your hands, bring yourself to the brink of orgasm before pausing and backing down again. Repeat to your heart’s delight until you let yourself go and finally climax. The climax will be even more powerful the more you repeat and back down.
Nipple Nibblers Cool Tingle Balm
Exhibitionism/voyeurism as forms of soft fetish play
A propless way to explore soft kink (though you can absolutely add in toys or accessories) is to embrace the art of performing and being seen, whether on your own or with a partner. This might mean having sex with the blinds or curtains open, or masturbating while your partner watches. They can watch openly, or if you want to increase the voyeurism aspect, have them hide in a closet or peek at you through a crack in the door.
You can also add mirror play by watching yourself having sex by staring at your reflection, or during masturbation, watch yourself in the mirror. Watching your sexy self is a fabulous way to embrace your sensuality and increase confidence.
Temperature play
Heated sex toys, warm massage oil, cooled or heated glass or metal toys, warmed massage oils, and flavoured warming lubes or gels are all ways to explore the kinky side of temperature play.
Sizzle Lips Edible Warming Gel
How to have a safer soft kink session
While this form of kink can be less intense than others, it still requires the same check-ins, safety, and consent practices. Before any form of activity, discuss boundaries and desires, as well as a firm list of activities you agree on and no-go zones. You may want to start by slowly adding in blindfolds and feather ticklers, and then leveling up to restraints or power exchange when you feel comfortable.
When putting on restraints, make sure that you can fit two fingers between the restraint and the skin to ensure safety.
The traffic light system, which is often used for more intense forms of kink, can also be helpful if you’re new to this realm. Red means stop, yellow means pause and reconvene, and green means keep going.
Finally, don’t forget about aftercare. For many people, this means cuddles and some pillow talk or affirming words, but it’s different for everyone. It might mean watching your favorite show with a slice of pizza, getting your partner a glass of water, or giving each other a massage to relax.
