How to Edge and the Best Sex Toys for Orgasm Control
Orgasms often get treated like the finish line of sex: the faster you get there, the better the experience is, right? Wrong! At sextoys.co.uk, we believe that pleasure is all about the journey. The finish line is optional, but when you take your time to get there, it can be way more explosive than when you rush to arrive. The finish line is more like a bonus. Edging, or orgasm control, is all about that approach.
Rather than rushing towards climax, edging involves bringing yourself or a partner close to orgasm, reducing or pausing stimulation, then slowly building the pleasure back up again. Orgasm control is a popular technique because it can create longer sessions and make you more aware of how your body responds to different kinds of stimulation. It also makes the final orgasm much more intense.
Learning how to edge doesn’t require expert-level stamina or complicated equipment – you can try it with your hands or with sex toys (we’ve got you covered) that give you more control over factors like intensity, speed, and pressure. From solo and partnered edging to clit edging, prostate edging, and consensual orgasm games with a partner, we’ve got you covered in this guide that explores what edging is, how to edge, and the best tools to help you get there,
What is orgasm control or edging in the bedroom?
Edging is a technique where you repeatedly get close to orgasm without letting yourself climax right away. Once you feel you’re approaching climax, you pause, slow down, or reduce the intensity of stimulation. When arousal drops a bit, you start again.
You can repeat this cycle as many times as you want before you finally allow orgasm to happen. To many beginners, edging sounds more complicated or extreme than it really is. But in reality, edging is just a form of orgasm delay. It helps you pay attention to your body and recognise when you’re approaching the point of no return. While it’s commonly used to intensify orgasm for both people with penises and vulvas, it’s also a common way to help manage premature ejaculation.
Edging can be used during masturbation, oral sex, penetrative sex, mutual masturbation, or one of our favourites, toy play. You can make it gentle and playful, or you can dabble in BDSM by exploring consensual power exchange or orgasm denial.
Why do people enjoy orgasm control?
There’s no single reason why people indulge in edging. Some enjoy the anticipation aspect of it. Others use it to learn more about their arousal patterns or to make sex last longer. Other potential reasons include creating a sexy tension with a partner, adding more structure to solo or partnered play, making sexual experiences feel less rushed, and experimenting with dominance and submission in a vanilla-friendly way. It’s also an effective way to shift the focus away from orgasm as the only goal of sex, which many of us have been conditioned to learn.
What’s the best toy for edging and orgasm control
The best edging toys are the ones that are easy to adjust quickly; we’re talking toys with multiple intensity levels, responsive controls, and shapes that let you adjust pressure or placement without interrupting the mood.
Wand vibrators
Wands are ideal for external stimulation and clit edging, as well as couples’ play or teasing through clothing. They can be used on a variety of erogenous zones and usually include different speed and pattern settings. However, they’re powerful, so start low. A mini wand may be easier to hold during partnered sex or for those just starting out.
Bullet vibrators and finger vibrators
Compared to a wand, a wearable finger or bullet vibrator is small and easier to control, making it a portable and straightforward option that’s also a travel-friendly sex toy. They deliver targeted precision rather than broad stimulation, but can also be used on different erogenous zones.
Yumi Rechargeable Finger Vibrator
Clit suckers
Clitoral suction toys were practically made for edging – they stimulate the clitoris indirectly with changes in air pressure, creating intense sensation which makes them perfect for short bursts of stimulation followed up by a pause or complete stop.
Male strokers
Strokers, sometimes referred to as a pocket pussy or blowjob toy, are available in both manual and powered versions. With non-powered versions, you can easily control stop-start stimulation, pausing movement, reducing speed, or changing grip without removing the toy fully. Textured sleeves can increase sensation, and open-ended strokers can make position adjustments easier.
With powered versions, control the same way you would with a vibrator, changing the mode or lowering the vibration or suction intensity. Don’t forget the lube!
The Super Sucker - ULTRASKYN™ Masturbator
Cock rings for partnered edging
A cock ring can help maintain firmness and increase sensation, but if they’re being used to explore penetrative edging with a partner, a vibrating ring can provide clitoral stimulation, making it a top choice for shared orgasm control.
Double Play Dual Vibrating Cock Ring
Prostate toys
If you have a prostate, you have your very own G-spot located a couple of inches within the anus! Prostate edging lets you build arousal through prostate stimulation. A curved prostate massager gives you consistent pressure that you can combine with penile stimulation if desired, while a vibrating model lets you adjust intensity. Many of them include remote controls, letting you or a partner easily change settings.
Just as with a stroker, be sure to use plenty of lubricant since the anus doesn’t lubricate itself.
Anal Adventures Platinum - Silicone Vibrating Prostate Massager 03
App-controlled and remote-controlled sex toys for orgasm games
Remote- and app-controlled toys are perfect for partnered orgasm games. One person controls the toy while the other responds, adding another level of anticipation. App-controlled toys are also a fantastic way for long-distance couples to explore orgasm control. A partner can adjust vibration patterns or intensity from another room – or another country, if you have a toy from a brand like We-Vibe.
No matter where you are, be sure to agree on boundaries before you begin, as the receiving partner should always have a reliable way to stop the activity.
Pulse Lite Neo with App Control
How to edge yourself
Masturbation is the perfect way to explore edging on your own terms – here’s how to add it into your solo play routine.
Start slowly
Orgasm control is all about anticipation, so take your time. Start with a lower level of stimulation than you’re used to. If you’re using your hands, go slower with lighter pressure. If you’re using a toy, start on a more gentle setting than usual. If you start strong, it’s harder to see gradual changes in arousal.
Pay attention to how your arousal changes
This is a great time to practice mindfulness – take deep breaths and notice the signs that you may be approaching orgasm. This could include feeling tension in the muscles, faster breathing, heightened sensitivity, or wanting to speed up.
Pause or back off on the stimulation front
When you feel yourself getting close, fully stop or switch to something less intense. You could move a vibrator away from an intense area, use a barrier method by placing underwear or a thin washcloth between you and the toy, use lighter pressure, switch up positions, or move to another erogenous zone.
Start over
Once things feel less intense, you can resume stimulation. You can either go back to the same technique you were using before or try something different. When you do something new like switching up rhythm or using a new toy, it can make this build-up feel more distinct from the first one.
Rinse and repeat
Continue the process as many times as it feels enjoyable – newbies may want to start with just one or two cycles, and those who have more experience may choose to edge for longer. You can end with an orgasm or stop without climaxing – remember, it’s not about one fixed outcome but rather exploring the build-up and what it means to you!
Clit edging tips for vulva owners
For clit edging, you can try shifting the toy a bit away from the clitoral glans, or moving from direct to indirect stimulation. You can also switch the vibration mode from continuous to pulsing. Wand vibrators work well for this as they have multiple power levels and offer broad stimulation for several zones.
Penis edging tips for penis owners
For penis edging, you can slow stroking speed, loosen grip, or take a short pause. Using a powered stroker, you can use the same tips as the ones we mentioned above for vibrators!
How to explore orgasm control during partnered sex
Edging during partnered sex requires cooperation and communication. Start by coming up with a signal that indicates “slow down” or “pause” – this can be a word or a physical gesture. Don’t assume your partner will be able to tell if you’re on the brink of orgasm; orgasm control isn’t a guessing game.
If exploring during penetration, you can change to a less intense position or switch from deep thrusting to shallow movement. You can pause penetration to kiss and touch or explore other erogenous zones, and move to oral or hand stimulation.
During oral or hand stimulation, the receiving person should guide pace and communicate how close they are, allowing the other person to reduce speed or pressure before they ramp things up again. How to edge during sex depends on the type of stimulation involved, but the same principle of approaching climax, pulling back, and repeating applies.
Sexy orgasm games for couples and singles
Orgasm games make edging feel playful and don’t make you commit to a structure beforehand. So go with the flow and enjoy!
The timer game
Set a timer for a short amount of time and stimulate yourself until it rings. When the timer ends, stop and take a break before you start another round.
The remote control game
One partner controls a remote or app-controlled toy while the other gives feedback about arousal.
The number game
Choose a number of edging rounds before you’re allowed to orgasm. Keep the number realistic, especially for beginners!
Create your own rules
You can do this alone or with a partner – change positions whenever someone is too close or use rules about only using low settings for the first round, or even switching toys between each round.
Is edging healthy?
For most people, edging is a normal way to explore pleasure and orgasm control. Delaying orgasm isn’t inherently harmful. However, if you experience any pain or numbness (or even just uncomfortable pleasure), you may want to back off for a while. Remember to use enough lubricant, which is often necessary for extended edging sessions. A lot of stimulation can create friction over time.
Edging vs gooning
Edging and gooning both involve delayed orgasm, but they’re not quite the same. Edging is a deliberate orgasm control technique where you bring yourself to the edge, reduce or stop stimulation, and repeat the process before ultimately deciding to climax. So what is gooning? Gooning is a longer and more immersive state of prolonged arousal which can include edging and highly focused stimulation over an extended period. In short, edging is a technique and gooning is the drawn-out headspace or experience that can result from it.
The bottom line on orgasm control and edging
Despite it being a healthy part of many sex lives, common edging mistakes include starting too intensely, waiting too long to stop, or not using enough lube. Finally, the most common orgasm control mistake is focusing only on the finish line. This process is all about the build-up – if you spend the whole session chasing the finish line, you’ll miss everything that makes edging so enjoyable in the first place.
