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How do lesbians have sex?


Curious about lesbian sex because you want to give it a try this PRIDE month? Or simply titillated by the idea of girl-on-girl action? If the secret to hot lesbian sex has been playing on your mind, then you might have some questions about scissoring, grinding, cunnilingus and if the ladies really use strap-on dildos to hit their orgasmic goals…

Common misconceptions about lesbian sex

If you’re genuinely curious about lesbian sex but you’re not sure where to start, you might need to reframe your idea of what sex really means. In heteronormative circles sex equals penetration followed by orgasm and requires a penis or an insertable device to achieve. Given that most lesbians don’t have a real life penis, this means that sex as we know it is an entirely different ballgame. 

But the truth is, there is no one answer to the question. Everyone is different and no two people will have the exact same desires or ideas about what constitutes satisfying lesbian sex. But this is no bad thing. In fact, if the ultimate goal is not in fact to stick it in and thrust, this leaves the doors wide open. The absence of generic penetrative sex techniques makes way for a whole new world of sexual exploration. So, instead of asking ‘how do lesbians have sex?’ Perhaps you should consider asking the more important question: ‘what feels good to me and how can I achieve this?’

Lesbian sex comes with a number of misconceptions that we need to unpick first before we can get to the meat of the matter. But once you’ve opened that secret door, prepare to put pleasure centre-stage…

Lesbians don’t have penetrative sex - FALSE

Some lesbians like snuggles, some like gentle clit strokes and some like to be bent over and fucked by a big dildo. You can be a lesbian who prefers bird watching to getting physical, and you can be a lesbian who loves double penetration. There are no lesbian police knocking at your door telling you how to have sex if you want to join the lesbian club, so in short: anything goes.

Lesbians can’t be a lesbian if they use a dildo - FALSE

If you really fancy women but you love the sensation of being filled by fingers, tongues, vibrators or a big fat dildo, then you do-you girlfriend. It’s your sex life to enjoy as you please and there are no rules. 

Lesbians orgasm every time - FALSE

Some people can’t climax, some people have never managed to climax, some people choose not to climax, some people can take it or leave it and some people orgasm 100 times a day. 

While we hope you’ve been in the latter group at least once in your life because orgasms are great, there’s no shame if you fit into any of these categories. You can still enjoy pleasurable intimacy with your partner without making orgasms the end goal. 

If this seems alien to you, perhaps you need to explore intimacy in a leisurely way and reconsider what sex really means to you. Sure, climaxing alone or with a partner is fun. But if you make partnered sex about the journey and not the destination, a world of pleasure awaits.


If you’re keen to give lesbian sex a try, one great way to get your kicks is to focus on outercourse. 

What is outercourse?

For the uninitiated, outercourse is the opposite of intercourse, so it basically involves any kind of sexual activity that focuses on the bits located outside your body. That said, there is no single definition. For some people, outercourse is anything sex-related minus a penis, while others also exclude insertables such as fingers, toes and sex toys and anal is also out of the equation. Here, we’re partial to a sex toy or two, so we prefer to use accessories to get the party started.

How to do outercourse?

Because the definition of outercourse (and as a result, how to achieve it) varies, it’s difficult to give a straight answer to this. So instead, focus on all the things that feel nice. Do you like getting your clit sucked, or vice versa? Or perhaps nipple play gets you wet? Whatever works for you baby.


Oral sex

One surefire way to achieve sexual nirvana is oral sex. And what’s not to love about sucking on a juicy clit?

Quick cunninglingus 101 

  • If you’re new to oral sex get ready for your first deep sea dive:
  • Start by kissing your way down her body.
  • Linger over the parts that make her coo with pleasure.
  • Locate her clit - the button sitting roughly at the top front just under the clitoral hood.
  • Gently part her vaginal lips with your fingers.
  • Rub and caress her until she feels wet to touch.
  • Gently part her thighs so you have easy access to her vulva.
  • Check in with her regularly to make sure she’s having a good time.
  • Get down there and lick and suck her clit until she climaxes.


If you love grinding on your partner’s body but you need clit-targeted vibrations to reach orgasm, we have good news for you: the Shi/shi Union Vibrator is the solution to outercourse for two. Wear it between your bodies while you writhe about for clitoral-seeking pleasure aplenty.


Shi/Shi Union Vibrator

70% off the ShiShi



Do you dig dildos? Fans of penetration will love this body safe silicone option. You can stick the suction cup base to almost any surface for deep penetration, or it’s harness compatible if you fancy switching roles for the night and ramming it hard into your beloved.


Avant Pride P3 Silicone Dildo

Avant Pride P3 Silicone Dildo - Lesbian flag



Double dildos

Hands up who hankers after double penetration? If you love that filled to the back teeth feeling you’ve come to the right place. This double-headed dildo can be inserted into both your vagina and backdoor. Or slip it into your girlfriend’s wet pussy and you get to fuck both ends while grinding on each other’s clit for double the fun.


B Yours - Double Headed Dildo

B Yours - Double Headed Dildo


Strap-on harnesses and dildos

If you haven’t figured it out by now we’ll let you in on a little secret. Some lesbians like getting fucked by a big dick-shaped sex toy. Strapping on a phallic toy has nothing to do with its This adjustable strap-on comes with a silicone dildo for just that purpose. It will feel nice as it slips in and out and bumps up against your G-spot, and the strap-on wearer gets to enjoy the power play.  


Bikini Strap On and Silicone Dildo Set

40% off Bikini Strap On and Silicone Dildo Set


Come back for more tips.