Quiet vibes for your discretion this Masturbation Day

We rarely need an excuse to rub one out, but we’re all for celebrating International Masturbation Day this Tuesday 28th May. Because who doesn’t love the idea of touching yourself all day long? And at the same time as the rest of the world! The annual event is held across the globe every May in order to celebrate the "right to masturbate” and we are here for it. 

But do we really need a special day set aside for sexy alone time? Arguably, yes. National Masturbation Day was first launched back in 1995 in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. She was famously fired by the former President Bill Clinton for suggesting that masturbation should be on the sex education curriculum for students. After Clinton’s conservative rebuke, the day was launched by a sex toy brand across the pond to celebrate her creative vision. Perhaps best known for jizzing on one of his aides, Clinton might have benefited from a bit of sex education himself, but we’re all for commemorating this special day on his behalf.

But whatever your reasons for celebrating global wank day, something about a marathon masturbation session in isolation is wildly exciting. Will everyone celebrate at exactly the same time, or will we all just have a few sporadic orgasms throughout the day? And what’s the best way to get your self-love on? But perhaps most importantly… How on earth do you celebrate International Masturbation Day on a Tuesday without getting fired from your job or arrested for public indecency? 

To commemorate this sauciest of holidays we bring you the quietest sex toys on the market, so you can enjoy the ultimate solo love session without anyone knowing what you’re up to. 

Why would you need a quiet toy?

However you choose to touch yourself, masturbation is all about self-exploration and intimacy so anything goes. But let’s be honest, while your fingers will do the job, investing in a sex toy will elevate your self-love sessions and quadruple your chances of achieving multiple orgasms. That said, for a number of reasons you might not want to buy a big loud motorized sex toy right now. Fortunately we have just the ticket.

Shared accommodation

Unless you’re lucky enough to live alone in a detached house, on a remote farm in the outer hebrides, or you’re a billionaire and installed a soundproof sex room in your dungeon, when you get your box of sex toys out there’s always a chance that someone might hear you going at it hammer and tongs. And let’s be honest, even if you get on really well with your neighbours/flatmates, it’s super embarrassing to make small talk with anyone who lives in close proximity to you after they’ve heard you getting one off like a jack rabbit with your fave dildo.

More relaxing masturbation

Sound is also one of the top senses, and the buzz of your sex toy can be a little distracting when you’re in the zone, while a nice quiet dildo can help you to relax and unwind without having to think about the noise. Ommmm.

Subtle for travel

Perhaps the biggest benefit of super quiet sex toys means you can celebrate International Masturbation Day on the move without worrying. On a train? In the toilets at the office? At your nan’s house? With the right sex toy you can climax anywhere and everywhere in blissful peace with only the sound of your groaning pleasure to worry about it.

Types of quiet sex toys

If discretion plus peace and quiet is on your sexual agenda, you’ve come to the right place. From super quiet motors to purring vibes, we bring you our pick of the best sex toys for super-quiet solo fun.

Quiet motor vibrators 

On a business trip and need some sweet relief? One surefire way to guarantee a circumspect orgasm in your hotel room is by using a sex toy with a quiet motor. This Clit-Tastic Sensual Clit Teaser is designed to pinpoint your most sensitive parts with precision, but it looks like an electric toothbrush (and sounds like one too), so no one will be any the wiser. 

Clit suckers

Do you prefer the feel of a flickering tongue to reach your sexual nirvana? Clitoral suction sex toys are reassuringly quiet thanks to a thrilling combo of vibrations and airwaves to make you climax. We’re big fans of the Liki Rechargeable Flicker Vibe that has a reassuringly quiet motor and no less than 7 vibration modes and 3 intensity levels to get you off. What’s more, it fits in the palm of your hand so you can enjoy some direct clitoral action wherever you happen to be.

Glass dildos

If it’s absolute silence and rigidity you’re after, you’d be wise to invest in a glass dildo. These bad boys are made from the finest grade glass so they’re extra strong, completely silent and they respond remarkably well to temperature play. Choose from the perfect tool for vaginal penetration, G-spot play, or slip one in your backdoor for a delightfully smooth sensation that’s completely silent, so no one will suspect a thing. Just don’t forget the lube.

Pulsating vibe

A super quiet pulsing vibe is the ideal ride for quiet nights alone or sneaky solo sessions in the office/bar/club. This quiet yet powerful vibrator made from soft hygienic silicone has been designed with total discretion in mind, so you can slip it in your handbag and celebrate Masturbation Day wherever you happen to be in the world.

Masturbators

Strokers are non-motorized sleeves that add additional textures and sensations while you masturbate your penis. The ribbed material of Doc Johnson's OptiMALE™ - TRUSKYN™ Silicone Stroker is soft and fleshy, and it's easy to clean. Plus, it won't break the bank!

Travel-subtle toys

Fans of sexual adventures in transit will appreciate the vast array of travel sized sex toys now available on the market. The Satisfyer Pro Traveler is dinky enough to fit into your handbag, powerful enough to make you cum in 10 seconds flat, and it’s waterproof too, so you can get your rocks off in the shower. Happy Masturbation Day to all who celebrate!