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The one thing you must never forget about anal toys

What do anal toys have in common with aeroplanes? Well, the people who design and manufacture then have to remember one vital golden rule:


What goes up must come down.

There’s no point building a plane that takes off like a dream but bumps and disintegrates on landing. Likewise with anal toys, the most pleasurable item in the world is no good as a shag toy if you’ve not given thought to how it’ll come out at the end.

This week, Radiopaedia (a bit like Wikipedia, but for radiographers) published a list of all the ‘foreign objects’ that members had found inside some of their patients. I hope you’re sitting comfortably, because some of these people certainly aren’t. Items discovered in rectums included:

  • Vegetables
  • A toothbrush
  • Bottles
  • A broomstick
  • An aerosol can
  • An egg
  • And, the one that makes me most nervous: an axe handle

The best anal toys

I’m not going to tell you which toy will work best for you – as we’re all different, something I love might turn you off completely. BUT what I can do is give you a selection of my personal favourite anal toys, and a bit of advice for future butt-play.

My favourite anal toys

Vibrating ones

One of the things I like most is surprising guys with genuinely new sensations, or things that they never realised they’d find hot. Enter the vibrating butt-plug. Depending on how adventurous your partner is when they’re masturbating, they might have experienced the joy of butt-plug vibrators themselves. But one of the things I’ve noticed is that even adventurous guys I’ve shagged have often been surprised by the strength and shivery sensation of a butt-plug used on me.

That is to say, when we’re having sex and he can feel the vibrations coming through from the vibrator, pushing against him as he shags me. It’s pretty effective.

If you fancy giving it a go, something like this Butt Tingler should do the trick.

Ones you can strap on

Naturally I enjoy being able to shag someone with a strapped-on penis of my very own. Here I’d say that the most important thing is a good strap-on harness. Ones like this are my fave, because they have straps that shape and frame your bum really bloody nicely. And when it comes to dildos to put in them, your best bet is to ask the person who’ll be on the receiving end. If they’re a bit nervous to start with, anal training kits can be really useful.

Anal toy advice

Did you notice something that all the above toys had in common? Yeah, like the aeroplane, they all had a way to come back down. Butt plugs, anal beads, strap ons and the like have all been designed so that you can’t easily ‘lose’ them inside yourself. That’s not to say you don’t need to be careful, though.

Use plenty of lube, and be aware of your own limits. Now: go have fun.

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