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Six different ways to tackle Valentine’s Day

Yes, it’s that season: I am brazenly writing as much stuff about Valentine’s Day as possible because, let’s face it, V-day is an important event in the sex toy calendar. There will be people who discover their first sex toy as a result of a Valentine’s Day gift, and there will be couples who use the day as an excuse to start exploring their kinks – maybe buying some fetish equipment or a new vibrator to use together. But what’s your ideal Valentine’s Day? Here are a few suggestions…

The Valentine’s enthusiast

You’re already planning what to buy your beau, and you’re eagerly anticipating the gift they’ll give you in return, plus maybe a sexy surprise later in the evening or a romantic date night to somewhere special. Roses, chocolates, champagne: the works.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

Packing your overnight bag and heading somewhere surprising – a romantic getaway in the country, perhaps, or a trip to Paris on the Eurostar. In the evening you’ll open a gift of sexy lingerie, and perhaps give your partner a new sex toy that you can try out together, before sipping champagne on your balcony and admiring the Eiffel Tower at night.

The Valentine’s Day denialist

“It’s a meaningless celebration made up by card companies to drive new sales,” you exclaim, as you march angrily past the red-hearted displays in Tesco. For you, Valentine’s Day represents nothing more than an obligation to shell out money, for no reason other than that Hallmark told you to.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

You manage to take the day off work so you don’t have to hear colleagues loudly discussing what they’re doing on ‘date night’ or squealing as they take delivery of a dozen red roses that’ll be a pain to carry home on the tube. You treat yourself to a decent movie – action or thriller, never rom-com – browse the sex toy offers and pick up something just for you, then fall asleep safe in the knowledge that you’ve avoided all mention of the ‘V’ word.

The Valentine’s Day convert

You’re not sure how you’ll feel about Valentine’s Day until it’s actually here – you’re reserving your judgment until you see whether someone’s sent you a card, or a gift, or an anonymous bunch of flowers. You know that Valentine’s Day isn’t really that important, but someone has given you reason to suspect they might be ‘into it’ and there could be something winging its way to you…

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

The doorbell rings early and you run bleary-eyed downstairs to find a delivery driver holding an anonymous-looking box that’s labelled for you. You open it and find a beautifully chosen gift (one that, crucially, doesn’t break the bank so you don’t feel guilty that you didn’t buy one in return) from someone you really like, and the thought and kindness makes you feel like Valentine’s Day might not be quite so bad after all.

The celebratory singleton

Sure, Valentine’s Day is a bit commercial, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun! You’re busy planning something awesome with your friends so you can enjoy hanging out as a group and poking fun and long-term couples who are sitting bored over a Valentine’s meal deal in the local restaurant. Being single has its ups and downs, but one of the uncontested benefits is that you save a tonne of money on Valentine’s Day presents which you can spend on cocktails instead.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

A knees-up with all your single friends, ideally in a place which has a great happy hour and doesn’t have a Valentine’s deal, so you can avoid having to barge through smooching couples on your way to the bar. Dinner, dancing, karaoke, silly hen and stag night games: whatever you like best comes next, complete with a bonding session with your mates that reminds you that romantic love ain’t a patch on friendship.

The stickler for routine

You’re in a couple, and you know that both of you tend to do something for Valentine’s Day – whether it’s just a card, or a nice meal out, or exchanging a present when you get home from work. You might even have worked out a budget already, or told each other exactly what you’re going to get. No one can accuse you of being wild and creative, but equally you’re pretty sure your V-day will be stress-free.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

Receiving exactly the bargain sex toy (or three if you’ve taken advantage of the 3-for-£20 deal) you’ve requested from your partner, cooking them a nice meal, then retiring to bed for an early, sexy night.

The sex blogger

You’ve spent at least two hours brainstorming ideas for Valentine’s Day blog posts, and your desk is covered in pink post-its with scribbles that say ‘sex toys for singles?’ or ‘research what Cupid is actually for?’ You’ve drunk six coffees and it’s only 11 am, and the only thing you know about Valentine’s Day is that everyone’s got an opinion on it one way or another, so whatever you write is bound to be wrong.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day?

Spend the whole day in bed hiding from Twitter and playing with your Doxy, and if anyone so much as mentions ‘love’ to you, demand compensation in the form of a large gin and tonic.  

Which is your ideal Valentine’s Day?

I’ve definitely covered off the Valentine’s Day approaches that are most common as judged by a quick survey of my nearest and dearest – which one are you? Or have I missed a crucial Valentine’s Day attitude that more accurately sums you up? Let me know in the comments, and have a lovely day on the 14th – whether you’re planning to go ‘all in’ or ignoring it altogether. 

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