This week I’m diving straight in to an
issue close to my heart: premature ejaculation. I’ve spotted a few
news articles doing the rounds about potential ways to treat
premature ejaculation, so what better opportunity than to give an
overview of what it is, how it can affect people, and what you can do
to manage it if it’s giving you strife.
This week, a number of news outlets
reported on a
study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that claimed
certain alternative therapies may be able to help people who struggle
with premature ejaculation. I say ‘may’ here because in general
evidence for alternative medicine is weak at best (that old adage:
“if it works, it’s simply called ‘medicine’” applies here).
However, it’s an excellent excuse to talk about a problem that isn’t
as uncommon as you might think.
What exactly is premature ejaculation?
A confession: when I was younger I
genuinely believed that premature ejaculation meant ‘ejaculating
before you orgasm.’ So a guy who ejaculated prematurely would have
fired, so to speak, but there’d be no corresponding kickback. This
sounded appropriately nightmarish – imagine being trapped in a
cycle where no matter how much you ejaculated, you’d never quite be
able to reach the big O?
While anorgasmia is certainly a huge
problem for many people, premature ejaculation is quite different. It
essentially means ‘coming too quickly’ and therein lies the problem:
what counts as ‘too quick’ may be radically different depending on
your age, sexual history, and the wants and needs of your partner.
It’s probably fair to say that if you regularly orgasm long before
your partner gets part of the way there, you might be frustrated and
feel your ejaculation is premature.
Your partner’s reaction will feed into
the way you feel too. Personally, I quite enjoy it on the odd
occasions my partner gets so horny he can barely last three minutes
inside me before he’s screaming ‘GERONIMO’* and drenching me in
ejaculate. It’s a bit flattering, especially if I’ve pulled out one
of my killer moves. But just because I find the occasional
early-doors-orgasm hot doesn’t mean premature ejaculation isn’t a
problem: there are many men – and their partners – who struggle
with it, and feel it’s getting in the way of their sex life.
So what can you do about premature ejaculation?
The good news (OK, the great news) is
that one of the activities recommended –
the NHS, no less
– to help deal with premature ejaculation is
masturbation. Masturbating one or two hours before having sex can
help you to keep things off the boil during the act itself – giving
you more time to enjoy yourself and potentially taking a little of
the pressure off too.
If you’ve tried this technique without
much success, you might want to have a go with a
. Textured on the inside (to more closely mimic the
sensation of being inside someone’s vagina or arse), with a bit of
lube they can give you a more ‘realistic’ sensation – thus provide
better training for you to practice holding off the big O.
There are other practical techniques
too, such as thinking about something boring during sex, or asking
your partner to take control, so they can stop the action for breaks
when you’re getting close to ejaculating.
Premature ejaculation – products you
Thick condomsCondoms are responsible
for many of the brilliant things in the world – not least
protection from STIs and unplanned pregnancy. And they can also be a
massive help with premature ejaculation.
do what they say on the tin – they’re slightly thicker
than average, and so they help to slightly reduce the sensation in
your penis. Alternatively, ‘delaying’ condoms contain a small amount
of numbing lubricant inside, which will desensitise you and help to
a little. Finally penis
– though often designed to simply give you a little
more length or girth – can also help to stave off climax.
Helpful? I hope so. But if you’re
really worried about premature ejaculation, there may also be things
that your doctor can do to help – so as with all sexual issues,
please don’t be afraid to
help or advice from your GP
. That is what they’re there for –
and there’s no more need to be embarrassed about a sexual question
than there is about any other!
*my partner doesn’t actually shout