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Lube: makes handjobs 300% better

As a borderline lush, the words ‘free beer’ have a very particular effect on me. Glazed eyes, drooling, and occasionally even the propensity to run if it looks like the bar’s running dry. As a pervert, the words ‘free lube’ have a similar effect. To mark SexToys’ collaboration with GiveLube, an initiative that means you get FREE LUBE with every order over £30 throughout November, I thought I’d offer a bit of inspiration.


When I first got into sex, lube didn’t play a massive part in it. I’ve noticed that, if anything, my lube consumption directly correlates with how far I have traveled down the road to sexual discovery.

The first time I ever used lube, though, was for a hand job.

My first ever boyfriend had got hold of some – in those days my only experience of it was in small portions that occasionally came free with condoms. He wasn’t particularly interested in it, because he had not yet opened his minds to the delights of slippery hand jobs, but I was pretty curious about what this magic substance would do.

The answer is: quite a bit.

At the time I was awful at hand jobs – really disappointing. No stamina, barely any focus, and a tiny voice in the back of my mind that said ‘wouldn’t it just be easier to suck it?’ If I asked my first boyfriend to give me a review, I suspect the word ‘lackluster’ would be in there somewhere or – if he was feeling mean – ‘crap.’

But once I’d opened the packet, I managed to raise myself from the depths of ‘oh Christ my arm aches and this is a bit boring’ to ‘sex goddess’, just with the addition of a few drops. The great thing about lube is that as soon as you apply it to a guy’s dick, the sensation immediately becomes that bit more special. Slicker, wetter, more sensitive. If the lube is tingling (and that’s his kind of thing) then you get extra points purely because it’s making his cock more sensitive to your touch.

I spent a while enjoying the ability to move my guy in ways I hadn’t before. He generally wanked without lube. Uncircumcised and enthusiastic, he’d never felt the need for it before. But I can tell you that once I’d spent a fun half-hour rubbing gentle, wet finger tips over the head, pressing delicately on the sensitive frenulum, and clasping both hands around it to give it a slippery squeeze, he was pretty much sold on the concept.

As an added bonus, having lube to hand meant he managed to experiment a bit more with things he did to me. Not only anal, which I struggle to achieve successfully without at least three tablespoons of the stuff, but handjobs from him as well. A well-placed, nicely-lubed finger teasing round and round the edge of my clit? Pretty nice way to spend a Saturday morning, in my humble opinion.

In the course of my sex blogging, people often ask me for advice on how to do things better. How to fuck like a superstar, how to give head like you’ve ingested poison and only spunk will cure it, and how to give the perfect hand job. I could bang on for a while about why cock ties, teasing with a fast/slow rhythm, squeezing his balls or masturbators will help you along the way, but the best tip I could offer is a really bloody simple one:

Use lube.

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