Quite often at Sex Toys I’m met with questions from quizzical husbands to curious lady-friends asking how and what to use in the bedroom together.
Oftentimes couples will have a more eager partner seeking to push the sex toy boundaries, so finding a toy that will melt the ice and fulfil both parties can often be a minefield not to mention the added worry that should the first encounter go awry, trying again with another toy might not ever happen! Well fear not. We all started out somewhere and finding what can be right for both of you may take time, but we’re in no rush if it means getting the job done and done well!
The biggest assumption by men (usually) is that sex toys are a ‘replacement’ for him (aka: a real man and his package). Some perhaps even feel a little intimidated by these big, gyrating, girthy beasts that they see in the mainstream media. More often or not, it’s usually this stereotype aesthetic of sex toys that sticks in the minds of the already suspicious partner, leading to pained expressions and crossings of legs to the uneducated toy virgin upon mention.
Uneducated is precisely half the battle here.
Talking a loved one (or fuck buddy, if that’s your game) round to having an extra pleasure-giver in the bedroom can end in tears if not approached tactfully and with prior research. This research comes not only in the form of what’s on the market but also what gets him (or her!) off. Think more about how tactile they are, what gets them moaning the most, what time of day is best to approach for nookie, the list goes on but you get the point.
Paying attention to these subtle but vital nuances can make the world of difference when laying down your case for toys in the bedroom. Once you have your background knowledge, pick a time. I say “pick a time” but don’t be all regimented about it! Just be aware that bringing up such matters just as he’s walking in the door from sitting in four hours of traffic on the M25 won’t perhaps be met with the best response! So once you’re both comfortable and perhaps sipping a wine or two, casually bring it up…ease it in as it were…
I’ve found from personal experience that a great way bring him (in my case) around to acceptance was to bust out the Lelo Smart Wand (a massager) and give him a ruddy good deep tissue sense-touching! Granted this was just a full body massage but it opened the door just enough for him to see how good it can feel and not just in a ‘stick it in and power it up’ kind of way. Starting off with this tactile approach means more focus on feeling, plus with the added bonus that Lelo products are unisex and sleek in design, choosing the right ammunition was key to not scaring him off!
So remember silicone sisters and butt plug brothers, just because we don’t give a damn about telling all and sundry about our sex toy shenanigans, doesn’t mean others will take like ducks to this water…so think twice…just like Celine Dion…*cringe*
My top 3 recommended sex toys for couples:
- JimmyJane Form 3 – The thing I love about the JimmyJane Form 3 is it’s very different in design to any other toys. For a start, you can push your fingers against the smooth flexible silicone touch pad area to deliver vibrations to your most sensitive areas. It also bends to meet your body’s needs too. You can use this puppy for foreplay for him and her or during penetration by just holding it against the clit. Even better, it’s a great aid for giving a mind blowing hand job! Available in girly pink or man-friendly black.
- We-Vibe 3 – This award winning toy is great used along or with a partner during romp-time! The ‘U’ shape has two motors – one to stimulate the clit and the other to stimulate the G Spot. Just slip it inside during sex and he can enjoy the vibrations too! See, not a selfish orgasm in sight! Another thing that makes this toy preferable with the men is the charger dock. Blending it in with his existing gadget collection might ease some of the stigma too! Available in Teal, Ruby or Purple colourways.
- Lelo Tiani – Along the same lines as the aforementioned We Vibe 3, this toy slips in her in the same way and he can penetrate. However, the switch on this product is the wirelessness! That’s right, either one of you can take charge with a remote! Perfect for the control freaks out there and great to sit back and watch your partner get off, it’s a great foreplay game and can equally feel great for the both of you! Much like the Smart Wand I mentioned earlier, the Tiani too has Sense Touch technology which means that both the vibration and its intensity can be controlled by movement alone! This can range from tilting, shaking or sweeping the wireless controller through different movements, which in turn prompts a response from the Tiani. Again, gadgety for the men and stylish for the ladies, this toy is perfect for sharing. Available in Black and Deep Rose.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey to getting toys firmly on the agenda in your bedroom very soon!