Sometimes you simply can’t wait to get to the bedroom before you tear each other’s clothes off. That’s why I’m unsurprised by the results of this sex survey. But are there stranger places to have sex…?
I had to laugh at this sex survey news story:
“A recent survey designed to discover what we get up to on our sofas caused a few blushes when 63% of respondents admitted to having SEX on their settees.”
Well, I should bloody well hope so: sofas are pretty damn comfortable, and they help you to get into positions you could never have managed on a bed. Bent over the arm of the sofa for a quick shag-from-behind, sitting on top of your partner, spooning together while you watch a sexy video – you name it.
One of the things that surprises me is that only 63% of people have done it! Do they have really expensive sofas, or do they just prefer the kitchen for their sexy time?
I’m joking – there are loads of reasons why people might not want to. Shared houses, for one: can you imagine getting caught halfway through your re-enactment of Debbie does Dallas by a bunch of angry housemates who want to watch Bargain Hunt? Or if you’ve got children, the living room might be a space for toys and junk – the risk of sofa sex means you could end up with a stray piece of lego in a place where only a butt plug should go.
Best places to have sex around the house
The sofa is obviously near the top of the list: that’s a given. But seeing as 37% of people have never had sex on theirs, let’s explore some of the more fun places to have sex – anywhere but the bedroom.
- The bathroom. I’m a big fan of the bathroom for wet play – where you get all messy and lubey and you can shower it off afterwards. If you’re into splosh or Nuru massage, it’s probably your favourite room too. But if you enjoy having sex in the shower, all I can say is I advise you invest in some shower-sex safety equipment to make sure it doesn’t end in tears.
- The kitchen. Bent over the kitchen worktops, being spanked by a wooden spoon… there’s plenty of fun to be had in the kitchen. But beware – if you’re thinking of playing with food, you need to know just how the ingredients could affect your intimate areas. Or invest in some flavoured lubricant instead.
- The hallway. I have a long, narrow hallway in my flat – just perfect for bracing yourself against when you shag standing up. Use knee pads if you need to protect from carpet burns, or grab a spreader bar to give yourself an extra challenge when it comes to balance.
- The garden. I’ve only very briefly had sex in my garden. In fact, I’m not 100% sure it counted as sex. Still, it happened in the dead of night when the neighbours couldn’t see – which is more than can be said for the man whose neighbours reported him to the police for having sex with a bush.
So, there you have it – my favourite places around the house to have sex. None of them quite compete with the might of the sofa, which I reckon sees about 20% of the action in my house at the moment (the bed accounts for about 50%, and the other 30 is split between hallway, bathroom, and kitchen. Not that you asked).
Do you like mixing it up and taking your sexual antics out of the bedroom? I do hope so – if only because variety is the spice of life. So let’s mix it up, move around, and celebrate the fact that we can shag wherever we like inside – as long as housemates/children/in-laws are out of the way. And remember that although an English person’s home is their castle, your garden is probably less private than you think.