Every year I try to make resolutions and every year I mostly fail. The only ones I’ve ever managed to stick to are ones that are actually fun to do. If I just resolve on the first of January to make sure I drink at least a little bit of gin every day and treat myself to a Doxy wank, I’ll manage to keep a full run until the end of December.
So this year, rather than encourage you to take up some ridiculous resolutions, I’m going to give you some tips on how to sex up the most common resolutions people make. I found an article from January 2017 listing the most common new year’s resolutions, and I’m going to give you some tips on how to sexify them. Ready? Let’s go.
38 per cent of people start January by resolving to get more active – and let’s face it, many of those gym memberships start getting dusty long before February arrives. If you’re set on getting fit, how about consigning your cardio activities to the bedroom? Pick up one of our super-secret swag bags – crammed with a surprise selection of sexy items, you’ll definitely find enough inspiration in there to keep you active long after you’d have got bored of doing sit-ups.
33 per cent of people make this resolution, apparently, and if we all actually stuck to it chances are the planet would be a little lighter and we’d all be much more boring down the pub. Instead of deciding to lose weight, how about you resolve to love your awesome body exactly as it is? Treat yourself to some amazing lingerie (maybe this plus-size pink bodystocking which is SMOKING HOT), and enjoy making the most of what your body does and is, without feeling like you have to change it to fit someone else’s definition of ‘beautiful.’
Eat more healthily
Why are so many New Year’s Resolutions variations on ‘get thin’? Perhaps its because our society puts so much relentless pressure on us to have a really specific body type. And as you can probably tell now we’re three resolutions in, personally I’m having none of that bullsh*t. If you’d like to eat more healthily in the bedroom, though, I can recommend you some strawberry and kiwi flavoured lube. Tastes like fruit, so it’s got to be good for you – right?
Take a more active approach to health
Are they just taking the mickey now? How many of these things can be about health? I’m skipping this resolution, because the next one’s far more fun…
Learn new skill or hobby
THANK YOU to the 15 per cent of people who picked this for their New Year’s Resolution, thus making my life far more interesting than writing ten kinky ways to just be a bit healthier. Learning a new skill is one of the coolest resolutions to make, in my opinion, because skills – of any kind – are sexy. There is nothing hotter than watching someone do something dextrous, creative or cool which you can’t do yourself. For kinky skills, Shibari is a nice and sexy choice. Shibari is the Japanese art of beautiful rope work – intricate ties and cool knots to use on someone, to truss them up during BDSM play and have them trembling with desire. Apparently the cool kids use hemp rope, so pick up some of that and start practicing your knots!
Spend more time on personal wellbeing
This is a lovely resolution, and if you’ve picked this then good on you. For you I can recommend almost anything from our extensive New Year’s sex toy sale page. Because it’s all about you – pick up a sex toy in the sale that you’ve always wanted to try, and treat yourself. Your personal wellbeing journey starts here, with intense orgasms, an increase in serotonin, and making a little time for yourself every single day.