All the places you’re not allowed to say ‘vagina’

What’s the most offensive word you can think of? Probably a C-bomb, right? But the ‘V’ word is getting a surprising amount of flak at the moment…


We live in a weird world. If you live in America, it’s perhaps an even weirder world.

This week a substitute teacher in Michigan was suspended for using the word ‘vagina’ in class. Which might be understandable if she’d been using it as, say, an insult to one of the students. Or if she’d been giving the class a detailed account of her latest visit to the doctor. But she was taking a class on art history, and explaining some paintings which… umm… looked like vaginas.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUWwfDSluDI]

In Michigan, you can walk around with a gun in your pocket (not a euphemism), but you can’t say ‘vagina’ at school without getting permission first.

What exactly is wrong with the word ‘vagina’? It’s not crude, it’s just a medical term. What’s more, roughly 50% of people have one. Sure, we use them for masturbating and having sex, but we use other things for that too – would we refrain from saying ‘hand’ in case it conjured images of someone grabbing their favourite glass dildo and getting to work?

It’s not the only weird ‘don’t say vagina’ episode, though – looking back through old news items I found lots of places you’re apparently not allowed to say ‘vagina.’

A New York High School

Again, fair enough if the word’s being used in a horrible way, but you have to wonder what’s gone wrong when schoolgirls are suspended for using the dreaded V-word during a production of the Vagina Monologues.

It’s in the title, teachers: chill out.

The Michigan House of representatives

Michigan again! This time back in 2012, when Lisa Brown was banned from speaking on the house floor. Why? Because she’d used the word ‘vagina’ in a debate on abortion.

In a cafe

Just in case we get too complacent, it’s not just in the US that these things happen: Radhika Sanghani wrote in the Telegraph only yesterday of how she’d been asked to leave a cafe because she’d used the word ‘vagina’.

“I was in a café with a female friend recently, when the waitress came over to ask if we could ‘please talk more quietly’. Apparently a customer with children had complained … It wasn’t the volume of our voices that was the problem at all – it was the words we were saying. Or more specifically, just one : vagina.”

Celebrate your vagina

Yeah, it sounds a bit like a hippy commune where we all sit in a circle and talk about birth and chakras, but if everyone’s getting uptight about the word ‘vagina’ then there are worse things you can do than take the time to celebrate your own.

So in honour of the teacher who got fired, and all the vagina-owners in the world, here are three awesome things you can buy to celebrate the awesomeness of the human vagina.

  • Vibe Therapy 7 function rabbit vibrator – which just happens to be on mega-sale at the moment at only £44.95.
  • Lelo Ella silicone dildo – which is beautiful like art as well as fun to put in your vagina.
  • Fleshlight – if you don’t have a vagina of your own, then you can celebrate someone else’s – Fleshlight Girls takes moulds of famous porn star vaginas (and mouths, and bums) so you can worship them by yourself at home.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *