Christmas gifts for the people on your ‘naughty’ list

Roll up, roll up! It’s nearly Christmas! And although I don’t have the budget of John Lewis, or the ability to cover pop songs in an achingly twee voice, I absolutely do have the ability to recommend you some top sex toys from this site which make excellent Christmas gifts. Naturally I can only cover a tiny proportion of the erotic treats that are available here, so what I’ve tried to do is pick out seven special bargains that I think are beautiful and orgasmic enough to bring a smile to your lover on Christmas morning, and included lots of links to category pages in case you want to browse around further. You should also check out our sex toy sale page, where there are always plenty of bargains.

Hurry though, there aren’t many shopping days left until Christmas!

Loving Joy beginners bondage kit

No Christmas gift guide would be complete without a selection box, but this is far better than the Cadbury ones you’ll probably be dishing out to nephews and nieces. This Loving Joy beginners bondage kit comes with everything you need to have a Fifty-Shades-esque night of depravity: blindfold, flogger, restraints, and a ball gag, all for the absurdly cheap price of £34.95. The restraints are especially worth noting here, because they’re decent comfortable ones which can be easily tied (or clipped) to your bedframe, bannisters, or anywhere else you want to get freaky.

Fifty Shades sweet sensations kit

If you lean more towards sensation play than pain/bondage, this Fifty Shades kit is probably right up your street. It comes with a soft tickler and some really cool massage tools, as well as a massage candle and loads of other goodies. I can’t think of many more relaxing ways to spend that boring period between Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve than lying naked while someone gets stuck into my back with massage oil and special tools. Unless, of course, it’s the sex that will come immediately after that.

Earthly Body massage oil set

Yeah, I’m recommending another massage set, but please indulge me because honestly massage stuff is such an excellent sexy Christmas gift to buy. Also I have a bad back.

This gorgeous set comes in three different scents, so you can have fun trying out the different ones, and it’s a little more affordable than the Fifty Shades set above, so great if you’re on a super tight budget. What’s more, you can enhance this gift yourself by giving it alongside some homemade vouchers for free massages/butt rubs/blow jobs/whatever takes your fancy.

Couples Mystery Bundle

While we’re on the subject of budgets, one of the best ways to make your Christmas gift budget stretch further is to pick up one of the ‘mystery bundles’ that SexToys.co.uk offers. It’s basically a huge goody bag full of different sex toys that you can play with together, sold for a much lower price. Will you get vibrators? Floggers? Lube? Dildos? All of the above? You’ll find out when you open it, and that’s half the fun. What we can guarantee is that thanks to the ‘mystery bundle’ discount, you’ll receive a hell of a lot more than your money’s worth.

Twist Silicone dildo set

It would be a shame to write a Christmas gifts list which didn’t include a set of lovely dildos – sets are always a good idea for Christmas, because you get to try out more than one thing, which means the joy of the shiny present can be eked out for even longer. I love the look of this Twist Silicone Dildo set because they are all nicely curved (great for g- and p-spot stimulation) and come in a variety of sizes. What’s more, the texture should add some fantastic extra stimulation while you’re using them – whether on yourself or on a partner.

Doxy Number 3

If you’re looking to pick up an indulgent present for someone, allow me to grab you by the lapels and look deep into your eyes with the fervour of a total evangelist and tell you to pick up a Doxy Number 3. I’ve recommended the main Doxy wand here on this blog many times, because it’s one of the most significant loves of my life (alongside cider, McCoy’s salt and vinegar crisps and my actual, human boyfriend). The Doxy Number 3 is a newer release, and it’s smaller and quieter while still maintaining the kind of power that will utterly envelop your entire crotch area and leave you panting in a state of miraculous disbelief. Buy this for someone for Christmas, and let them begin 2020 with orgasms that defy the laws of nature.

Optimum Power Masturball

Normally I’m not a fan of portmanteau words, but I shall give the Optimum Power Masturball a pass because… well… because it vibrates powerfully on your dick. I will frankly forgive anyone anything if they can help me deliver the kind of superpowered hand job that comes with a decent masturbator. This is a fairly high-end present, so if you’re buying it for someone you love make sure that they know this is a Rolls-Royce kind of Christmas gift, so their ‘thank you’s can be appropriately effusive. If you’re lucky, and they’ve got an exhibitionist streak, they might even let you watch while they use it to put on a show…

Buying Christmas gifts consensually

I always like to chuck in some tips about consent and sexy gift-buying when I write these guides, because I don’t ever want people to experience sex toys as a chore or something they feel pressured to use. The point of all this – which I’m sure you’ll agree with – is that it’s supposed to be fun. So when you’re picking the perfect Christmas gifts for your lover, try to tailor your purchases to things they’ve expressed a desire to do in the past, or toys you know they’re longing for.

If you’re not sure what they want, it absolutely cannot hurt to spend an evening with them perusing this site and making a shortlist. Your present will still be a surprise, because you can get them to give you a general indication of what they want rather than just pointing and saying ‘that one!’ – and the very act of discussing the matter might mean they start getting hot under the collar long before Christmas Day, in anticipation of what they’ll unwrap once Santa has been…