Women: Be assertive and get what you want in bed!

Apparently, the modern woman is confident, sassy, full of determination and attitude. Sound like you? Me neither!

If you are more on the timid side than predatory lioness, it may be difficult to instigate sex in the bedroom or to make sure you’re really getting fulfilled in the ways you want and deserve. Speaking out can be incredibly difficult when it comes to sexual matters, even for those usually articulate in their everyday lives.

To allay all those fears and hopefully ease you into the sexually aware and confident woman you know you really are, we have put together some ideas that will hopefully lead to complete satisfaction when it comes to sex.

  • If you want to try a new position, try mentioning it someplace other than bed, where one or both of you might feel pressured. Talk about how you read about this amazing position or technique in a magazine and you wonder how it would feel. Then you can gauge his response and take things from there!
  • Nervous about introducing new things face to face? Text messaging is an amazing tool. Use it to tell them just what you have planned for later, what you’re wearing especially for them to discover, even send a cheeky picture or two – all from afar.
  • Traditional romance – write love letters! Sometimes it’s easier expressing how you feel and what you want, with pen and paper. They can also be treasured for years to come, as snippets of your feelings for once another.
  • Make sure you plan ahead. Set time aside for your intimacy. If you have children, perhaps book a regular babysitter or arrange for a family member to look after them so that you can relax and get the most out of the time focussing on your relationship and sex life. Set date nights to exchange conversation, play some saucy games, get to know each other better and create a calm, harmonious mood that will lead to hot between the sheets action later on!
  • Look sexy, feel sexy! Dress up so you feel more confident, not just your outer wear but matching and sexy lingerie will make you feel like a Goddess inside and out.
  • Feeling drab and dreary? Change your look! From subtle differences in your makeup to a complete makeover, the change in your attitude and the way you carry yourself will be instantly apparent. Book into the salon for a new hairdo. Visit for personal body treatments regularly, such as manicures, pedicures, massage and more. All of these will help to make you a more confident woman that will feel free to make those sexual demands.
  • Treat em mean, keep em keen really works – to a point! Things that are difficult to get are viewed as being the most precious. Get his natural chasing ‘predator’ instinct started with some subtle, or obvious teasing. After all, what man can resist a challenge, right girls?
  • You do have a say about what happens in bed. If he’s doing something not quite right or in the best spot for you, speak up! He may be many things but psychic isn’t one of them. Tell him firmly but seductively just how you want to be pleased, or whisper it directly into his ear for spine tingling closeness.
  • During oral sex use your hands on his head to guide his tongue where you want it. In intercourse you may wish to be on top so you can control the depth of penetration and speed. This position is also fantastic for teasing… lifting off just enough before plunging all the way down again while smiling into his eyes. Everything from kissing, through foreplay and sex can be assisted with some firm guidance from you.
  • Don’t wait for them to make the first move. Even if you have to bluff, confidence is the most sexy asset you can have. Force yourself to step up and speak up. Tell him what you want and how!


We can’t turn you into a confident talking, sexual stalking hunteress overnight but we do hope you find these tips useful – everyone deserves to get exactly what they want in the bedroom! Communication is key, but this can sometimes be difficult. Take things slowly, especially introducing new ideas – and above all, enjoy your shared intimacy and the journey.

Good luck!

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