Whether you’re in a relationship or on your own, the art of self-pleasuring can add exciting new heights to your sex life. So often we rely only on partners and lovers for our sexual pleasure. We expect them to be in the mood at the same time as us and to know exactly what we want. Being dependent on someone else for our sexual enjoyment leaves us pretty powerless.
Very rarely are we taught that masturbation is a wonderful, empowering thing to do. Mostly we just learn to be quick and quiet in case we’re caught with a good helping of shame thrown in. Being in charge of your own pleasure, your own arousal not only enables you to bring more sexual excitement into your life but also gives you the opportunity to bring more intimacy into your relationship.
Here are some tips for you to expand your self-pleasuring possibilities:
Be your own ideal lover, get to know what you like and don’t like and where you like it! Take yourself on a date. You might actually take yourself out or have an evening in with yourself. What would you enjoy? A delicious home cooked meal? Slow dancing? You could light some candles, run a hot bath or shower and take time to really indulge yourself, as you would like a lover to. When it feels right, begin to explore your body. See what sensations you like, what parts of your body enjoy being touched. Allow arousal to build up slowly.
Try doing it in a different place than you normally do. If you mostly masturbate in bed, try it in the shower for example. Experiment with different positions. If you normally masturbate standing up, try sitting or lying down. Take your time, don’t be in a hurry.
Try doing it in front of a mirror. Watch how your body and your genitals move and react to arousal. Notice how sexy you are when you self-pleasure!
If you have a partner, take turns observing each other masturbating. The partner who is self-pleasuring could wear a blindfold so they feel safe and private. The partner who is observing should just watch, not touch, unless invited to do so. This gives you the perfect opportunity to see what your partner enjoys. Observe them with honour and respect and then swap over.
Maybe you’ve wanted to try new sex toys with a partner but been too afraid to ask. Try them with yourself first and see if you like them. You could try nipple clamps, feathers, dildos, a Fleshlight or a butt plug. What have you been fantasizing about? What tickles your fancy? Which sex toys would you try if you only had yourself to please?
You are only ever limited by your own imagination and willingness to try new things. Be adventurous – allow yourself to explore and enjoy!