When you read problem pages and sex advice online, the issue of cock size comes up all the time. Likewise the question of just how swift a guy’s orgasm has to be to count as ‘premature.’ But surely there’s no ‘magic number’ for either of these things?
I genuinely used to think that sex took exactly fifteen minutes. A throwaway line from a character in Grease, and my teenage brain leapt to a strange conclusion: it’ll always last that long. Of course that was before I had my first ever shag, which lasted slightly less time that it took to boil the kettle – and I’ve got a really decent kettle.
Anyway, here’s the thing: I really like it when guys come quite quickly. It means they fancy me LOADS. Or, to be realistic, it could also mean they haven’t had any in a while, but either way, the effect is quite satisfying. It’s not really a wasted opportunity for a long shag, and I’m not annoyed that I didn’t get my own orgasm. Let’s face it, as long as they don’t make a faux-pas at the point of climax, or roll off the bed and accidentally kill the cat, chances are we’ll be shagging again pretty soon.
But what about the other way round? Does speed matter to guys when it comes to my orgasm?
Quick orgasms versus slow
I’m a big fan of quickie shags – those passionate clinches that last five minutes, after which you high-five each other and revel in the whirlwind speed of your own prowess. It’s probably why I also gravitate towards sex toys like the Doxy – powerful, rumbling things that can get me off in under a minute (yes, really, and I know from a couple of recent conversations that I’m not the only one by a long shot). I like speed because it’s efficient, and also because… well… it’s not like you have a limited supply of orgasms, and if you have too many quick ones you’ll run out before you’re forty. Orgasms aren’t a finite resource.
But does it annoy guys when, instead of taking my time and reveling in the build-up, I want to get to the finish line as quickly as possible? Does it annoy them that I’m so focused on the orgasm, often things which might be fun but not orgasmic – kisses, strokes, nipple play, massages, etc – are skipped over in favour of a shag in just the right position, ideally with a vibrating cock ringsex I can grind against? With my current partner I can have these conversations, and we can work out what’s going best for us at the time. But with ex partners? Who knows. Maybe they’re all sitting in a bar right now having a good old bitch about how I was far too focused on my own specific pleasure, not willing to enjoy the main course because I was so focused on dessert.
I think I’m quite rare though – perhaps more commonly, there are many women who either find orgasm during sex difficult, or aren’t able to orgasm during sex at all. Lots of people get off only through hand jobs or oral sex, or they have one or two really specific toys that are the only thing that do it for them. I’ve personally had times where I’ve struggled to orgasm during sex – because I’m tired, stressed, drunk, etc – there are any number of things that can make it more difficult. But does this bother guys I’m with? It’s always satisfying to give someone pleasure, but is it a deal-breaker for someone to say ‘sorry, it’s not going to happen’?
I don’t think it should be.
Speed up, slow down
Does speed matter to you? If you want to either speed up or slow down, there are a bunch of things you might want to try.
Tingling and warming lubes can increase your sensation. I’m not sure if they specifically push you towards orgasm quicker, but they can definitely help you settle and get in the mood. I also find that lube’s my best friend when I want a quickie but I can’t be bothered having enough foreplay to… umm… prepare the ground, so to speak.
Vibrators and cock rings are bloody great for this as well. Especially if you combine both of them and get yourself a vibrating cock ring. If you like penetrative sex, but you tend to come more from clitoral stimulation, then vibrating cock rings are a revelation and a half. The first time I ever used one I ground against the guy wearing it for the sum total of three minutes, and wondered where this magic had been my whole life.
If you have a prostate, and you want to speed up your orgasms (or just make them super-intense) then please meet my good friend the anal vibe. I don’t have a prostate myself, but judging by the reaction of guys who I’ve used them on, they do the trick pretty spectacularly. Not sure if I’m allowed to use the word ‘jizzsplosion’ on SexToys site, but there – I just did.
There are a bunch of ‘delay’ gels and creams that you can get, which aim to gently numb you (not totally numb you – we’re not at the dentist). Alternatively, if your cock gets overexcited and you want to calm it down a bit, penis sleeves can be a good way to dull sensation so you get a longer shag. And, from a personal perspective, I can tell you that wearing a strap on so you can have sex for longer without blowing your load can be an intensely awesome experience. You can also grab a packet of extra-thick condoms. I know that doesn’t *sound* very sexy, but if you’re after a longer ride, then why the hell not?
So, if you’re not happy with your orgasms, there are loads of things you can try to get the kind of climax you’re after. Don’t think there’s a magic number, though – while Grease told me it was fifteen minutes, I’ve had times in my life where I’ve been happy with shags that lasted fifty minutes, five minutes, and even a few that were less than five seconds. Sex is ultimately like a really cocktail – take your time over it, or bang it down in one gulp, the main thing that matters is that you enjoyed it.