If you’re looking to improve your sex life, it’s important to look not just at how things are in the bedroom, but outside of the bedroom as well. Great sex requires more than knowing the right moves, methods or techniques. It requires trust, a sense of safety and a sense of connection.
In order to create this trust, safety and connection, we need to spend time outside of the bedroom having shared experiences, preferably conscious shared experiences. Watching telly together night after night, rarely talking isn’t necessarily a conscious shared experience. Are you present with each other or just switching off? Switching off will not lead to a shared experience. However if you’re both really into the program and are being with each other while you watch then that could be a shared experience.
A shared experience can be anything from eating ice cream in the park, to helping a friend move, to sitting with a dying parent. A shared experience doesn’t have to be a ‘good’ one. It could be sitting in traffic, being stuck in a lift or missing the train together. It could be getting rained on, picking up shells on a beach or going to a new restaurant together.
When you are present to the experience you are having, it creates a bond, a commonality. Shared experiences create trust and intimacy. When we have a shared experience with someone we feel closer to them, they feel more familiar to us. There is an actual energetic and biochemical alchemy that takes place. This leaves a sort of imprint in our very cells. The next time we are with this person we have information about them already in our body. If we had a conscious shared experience with them then we are likely to already feel safe with them. Our bodies relax rather than tense up when we are near them.
When we come to connect sexually with them we already have a sense of intimacy running in the background. We have the embers of trust and connection to build our sexual fires on. You’ve already stepped through the door of intimacy and are ready to deepen your connection by adding erotic energy to it.