Embracing the scary things in life is what makes Halloween fun. But sometimes our fears around sex stop us from enjoying things. Here’s how to banish the fears from under your bed…
Fear and sex aren’t just linked in horror movies: there are plenty of sexy things that can make us nervous or scared. When I think back to the first time I ever used a glass butt plug, I remember the sexy excitement was tinged with a dash of apprehension: a terror that this rigid thing might not fit, or might be uncomfortable. No matter how sex-positive anyone is, there are always some possibilities that make us a little nervous, and as a sex blogger I often hear about people’s fears when it comes to certain toys.
This Halloween, I thought I’d have a go at confronting some of those fears: turning on the light switch, if you like, to show you that there are no monsters under the bed. There are just amazing sexy things that you’ve nothing to be afraid of. Here are some top sex toy fears, and the truth behind the worry.
Sex toy fear: The Lost Hand
AKA: If I use this toy too much, I might lose sensitivity
This is a fear that I’ve had myself in the past: with powerful wand vibrators and incredible bullet vibrators on the market, some people worry that using them too much might desensitise their delicate parts so that when they masturbate manually or have sex with a partner, it will be more difficult for them to come. The horror here is that something you enjoy doing might just disappear – vanishing away into the night like the ghost of orgasms past…
In fact, this ‘desensitising fear’ is unfounded: just because you use vibrators sometimes, it doesn’t mean that you’re wearing out your junk. And in fact, using some sex toys can actually help you to attune your body to different types of touch and sensitivity. Pattern modes, different intensities, and even different kinds of vibration (high frequency versus low frequency vibrations, for instance) can give you a broader experience than just using one masturbation technique. Masturbation sheaths too are great for this: if you’re used to masturbating with a really tight ‘death grip’, using a sheath can help you train yourself to appreciate different textures and sensations.
Sex toy fear: The Pain Overload
AKA: If I use BDSM equipment, it’s going to REALLY hurt
The obvious answer to this is that BDSM equipment like whips, floggers and paddles can be used to varying degrees: not everyone’s going to want a full-strength whack across the backside (though personally I wouldn’t say no…). But although people know this when it comes to impact play, they’re usually less aware of the fact that other BDSM-type equipment can be as pleasurable as it is painful. It’s like when a vampire leans in for a kiss and instead sinks his fangs into your neck…
ElectraStim, for example, isn’t just about zapping your (or someone else’s) genitals with electricity to cause a painful sensation – the tingles provided by their toys can be intensely pleasurable. As with other sex toys, the trick is in getting the settings right and making sure you start off gently. A toy like the Jack Socket, for instance, which you use on the penis, can give an intense sensation if you put just the head of your penis in it (because the less surface area of skin it touches, the stronger the electric tingle), but when stroked down over the head so the whole toy is touching your cock, the sensation is broader and tips the scales towards ‘deeply pleasurable’ rather than painful.
Sex toy fear: The Disembodied Body
AKA: If I wear lingerie, I’ll never look as good as the models in the pictures
I get this one all the time. Whether it’s a new pair of stockings or something strappy and sexy like this awesome Happy Lola set, opening the package sets my heart thumping and initiates that ‘fight or flight’ response that comes with fear and anxiety. What if I don’t look brilliant in it? What if, when I stand in front of the mirror, I realise that I am not the model of the pictures on the packet, I’m just a random horny girl who really wants to feel sexy in stockings? That creeping dread that my body isn’t really my own and it’s been taken over by someone trying far too hard to be sexy, and failing…
Well, spoiler: none of us is going to look exactly like the model on the packaging. But that’s a good thing. Recently my partner bought me some hot underwear – thongs, mostly. He bought them because he’d seen lots of women wearing them in porn and sexy photos, and he had asked me if I fancied dressing up in the underwear that was giving him the most kicks at the moment. I was a bit nervous – that body-fear, again – but I said yes.
And when they arrived and I put them on, I looked in the mirror and couldn’t quite work out whether I liked them or not. I was still full of that fear, you see, except this time I was scared that I wouldn’t look how the women in porn had looked.
But I had nothing to worry about: when he came into the room to see me standing in front of the mirror, naked except for a tiny thong, his eyes lit up and he practically split his trousers with delight.
“Do you like them?” I asked him.
“I LOVE them!” he replied.
They weren’t just hot because he got to see most of my naked bum, they were hot because he’d been fantasising for ages not just about ‘women’ wearing these pants, or the model on the packaging: he’d specifically been fantasising about ME wearing them. Their hotness doesn’t come just from the style, but from the person who’s wearing them.
Sex toy fear: The Golden Curse
AKA: sex toys are expensive and if I want to get good ones I’ll have to save up for months.
Definitely not true: not only is there an incredible range of quality sex toys that won’t break the bank (Rocks-Off being my favourite go-to brand), but if you’re buying from SexToys.co.uk, you can get an extra 20% off this Halloween by using the code SPOOKY. We treat you, so you can have more sexy tricks up your sleeve.
And we’ll even throw in free candy. Because we’re lovely like that.