“My arse is one-way mate, stuff comes out but nothing goes in”, “It’s unnatural innit”, “Eurgh, I’m not gay you know!”. These and many other similar statements are likely to be what pops out of a man’s mouth when he’s confronted with the subject of anal stimulation. Of course, it’s only natural for a man to be afraid of having something put up his backside – we’re not used to having anything put inside us, well not in that area anyway.
But, really, there’s nothing to be afraid of. And in my opinion it’s fear, and macho bravado, that really impedes the initiation of anal play (on the man’s part) in a lot of sexual relationships. Straight guys generally just see it as something gay men do and no doubt think it reduces their machismo too. Being in a submissive/vulnerable position is not something most guys are used to and there’s a widespread feeling that any woman who straps a dildo on with the purpose of sticking it in a man’s rear is going to be seeking revenge for all the times he’s enraged her. I really can’t imagine many men in the showers after a game of football, or whatever, happily discussing the shafting their missus gave them the previous night: “Sorry I missed that penalty lads, my arse is killing me. Fiona gave a right seeing to last night with her Mandingo strap-on.” …I can’t really see it, can you?
That said though, in private, man-to-man, there’s definitely an air of curiosity – and, fortunately, from curiosity stems investigation.
I have very distinct memory of the first time I actually heard somebody advocating male anal insertion – funnily enough it was a female friend who filled me in, so to speak. My friend Gemma told me a male friend of hers had sex with a girl who was apparently an expert in hitting that male g-spot, i.e. the prostate. According to Gemma, who was just as friend and certainly not trying to take my anal virginity I can assure you,the guy was mid flow when his female companion decided to wedge her finger up his bumhole. Though slightly taken aback by this at first he rolled with it and she managed to massage his prostate and, so Gemma said, he had the best orgasm he’d ever had at the time.
Stories like these don’t circulate often among the male fraternity, but when they do, they spread like wildfire and enter folklore immediately. But, to be honest, I don’t know ANYONE among my male friends who has had their back doors kicked in, or even had the lock tinkered with a little. Probably the closest I’ve heard is rimming. Crazy.
There’s that great scene in a comedy film, which I’ve forgotten the name of, where a man goes to donate sperm but he can’t come so a special nurse is brought in to massage his prostate and make him spurt instantly… it’s not far from the truth.
I think one of the most important aspects of sex, and life in general, is to have an open-minded, ‘try anything once’ mentality – and if you don’t like it, well at least you gave it a go and made an informed decision. Being adventurous in the bedroom is crucial to spicing up your sex life, especially if you’ve been together for quite some time. So, men, here’s a little advice… loosen up, literally, and try taking baby steps into anal insertion.
Start off slowly of course, and see how it goes. Not that I’m telling you to get drunk, but a few drinks beforehand might lubricate the whole atmosphere… last thing you want is to be all tensed up and stressed about it. It’s supposed to be fun, and a laugh, like most sexual adventures in and out of the bedroom.
Have some lubricant at the ready and make sure you partner is very careful if she’s got long nails for obvious reasons. No one wants a tear in their rectum on the first go.
When you start to get stuck in, it’s probably best if your partner starts off slowly with just one well-lubricated finger. See how it feels – and then decide how you want to proceed. Personally, I’d say let her try and get up to your prostate at least before you really make your mind up. A massage of the prostate will make all the difference. If she can’t find it, it’s basically the small mound on the inside of the rectal wall identical to the G-spot… not that far up either.
Maybe let another finger slide up there if you’re happy with one. And then just carry on from there.
The next step is to introduce a sex toy of some kind… maybe some anal beads or a small probe to start. Then, once you are comfortable with some bottom intrusion you can check out the range of prostate massagers to really boost your orgasm from the rear. Who knows, you may never want to go back to conventional sex again?
On a serious note, it is said that massaging the prostate can help to ward off prostate cancer, which is the most common male cancer accounting for 25% of all cancers diagnosed in men. It is recommended that men massage their prostates once a month, for 10 to 20 minutes, to help prevent future health issues. Massaging the prostate gland stimulates the blood flow and directs more oxygen to your prostate. Bacteria can be removed much better this way – these bacteria can possibly lead to prostate cancer if not removed frequently. So even if you have a healthy prostate with no problems at all, a sensible massage helps to maintain the health of your prostate. And, don’t forget that prostate massage can also provide intense orgasms. The fabled male multiple orgasm is entirely possible through prostate massage.
Now, hand on heart, I’ve never let a woman go at me with a strap-on – my mind and body are not ready for that yet. But I would never rule it out… who’s to say what can happen in the future? What I do know is, it would have to be with the right woman and in the right circumstance. And obviously that counts for any man who’s going to do that sort of thing… it’s not usually the kind of thing that will happen on a one-night stand. Not usually, but it probably has happened.
Female-to-male strap-on sex can help to build up trust between lovers… I mean, it takes a lot of courage for a man, or woman, to let their partner penetrate their back passage, and it’s important the one doing the inserting is gentle to begin with and pays very close attention to the reaction of the person they’re entering. By the same token, the one being entered should talk the inserter through how they’re feeling… it’s a one-way process that demands two-way communication to be a success. Advice to women, don’t start smashing your old man straight away… let him direct you and, when he’s ready he’ll let you have your wicked way to the full extent of your abilities.
Just take it easy, relax, be open-minded and try to make it as fun as possible… the last thing you want is an argument or a really tense, joyless atmosphere. And, as I said, give it a go, if you don’t like it then at least you tried.
Check out our Male Prostate Massage section on the site. You’ll find different sizes, vibrating, non-vibrating, ribbed, smooth, some with perenium massagers, some without.