FREE NEXT DAY SHIPPING WHEN YOU SPEND £30 - ENDING IN T & C's Apply Dismiss

​Masturbation Month: 7 random facts about masturbation

Did you know that May is Masturbation
Month? While I’m sure you’re happy masturbating all year round, it’s
nice to have an entire month dedicated to the art of wanking. To
celebrate, here are some of my favourite random facts about
masturbation picked up while writing this blog.

Masturbation Month is a great
opportunity to discuss the benefits of masturbation, as well as share
top tips and sex ed that should hopefully help to dispel the stigma
surrounding masturbation. And at the very least, it’s a nice excuse
to treat yourself to one or two more hand shandies.

To celebrate Masturbation Month, I
thought I’d round up some of my favourite weird facts about
masturbation. Share them with your friends, lovers, and anyone you
think could do with cheering up.

7. Liberal Democrats are more likely to
want to watch someone masturbate

Great news if your partner is planning
to put their cross in the yellow box this general election – a poll
run by YouGov around the time of the last election quizzed
supporters
of different parties on their sexual tastes
.

Apparently Lib Dems were more keen on
watching a live masturbation show than supporters of other parties –
Labour were more into spanking, and Conservatives were a little
more… well… conservative.

6. The Japanese language has an
equivalent word for ‘fap’

Just as other languages have different
sounds for animal noises – a dog’s bark is ‘woof’ in English but
‘wan wan’ in Japanese – so they also have different sounds to
describe the noise made when you rub one out.

If you want to describe the sound of
someone having a wank in Japanese, it is ‘shiko shiko’ (say it out
loud) – it’s the equivalent of ‘fap fap fap’ in English, and
written in the katakana alphabet it’s シコシコ.

5. Humans aren’t the only species that
masturbates

Dog-owners know this only too well, but they’re not
unusual when you look at the rest of the animal kingdom – many
species have been observed masturbating, from porpoises to deer and
even squirrels.

Monkeys are so horny, that their
frequent vigorous masturbation has even attracted
complaints
from zoo visitors
.

4. Someone was once arrested for trying
to masturbate with a postbox

No, really. Not only that, but people
have been caught trying to put their dicks in a quite astonishing
array of different things, including (but not limited to)
bikes,
toasters, cars and shop mannequins
.

To avoid arrest or penis injury, stick to a Fleshlight
or Tenga.

3. Religious groups haven’t tried to
ban tissue sales to stop masturbation

Naturally, we’re fascinated by wanking.
And so naturally, the topic of masturbation has spawned more
intriguing rumours and urban legends than almost any other human
activity. My favourite was a story that did the rounds a couple of
years ago – that the Mormon church was trying to limit sales of
tissues in an effort to get people to cut down on masturbation.
It
wasn’t true
, of course. Even if it were, banning tissues would be
entirely ineffective unless you also banned: socks; flannels;
tea-towels; and as one of my ex-boyfriends taught me to my horror –
curtain fabric.

2. There’s a website that documents
people’s wanking-related trips to A+E

Radiopaedia is a site for radiologists,
where they collect some of the more unusual examples of … ahem …
‘foreign objects located inside patients.’
The
list of weird and unsafe things people have masturbated with

includes some of the obvious culprits – cucumbers and carrots –
as well as a few more ‘wtf’ examples, like eggs and broom handles.

Don’t put a downer on your own
masturbation month: make sure that if you’re masturbating with
something inside you, it’s a safe, sexy
anal
toy
rather than a random household object. You’ll thank me in the
long run.

1. Masturbation is free, safe, legal
and good for you!

Well, duh! You probably already know
that masturbation is good for your mental health: if you’re a wanker
like I am you’ll have experienced the rush of dopamine and oxytocin
that accompanies a good orgasm. But you may not know that
masturbation
is also good for your physical health
– it can help keep your
pelvic floor muscles in shape, and masturbation has also been linked
to better overall prostate health.

I can’t think of anything else that
gives such a direct and easy high as masturbation that doesn’t either

  1. cost money
  2. require a partner or
  3. risk you getting arrested.

And if that hasn’t convinced you to sit
back, lube up and enjoy Masturbation Month, I’ll leave you with my
favourite masturbation quote, from Truman Capote:

“The good thing about masturbation
is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *