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Magnificent masturbation

I often meet people in my private practice that tell they don’t masturbate at all or that they only masturbate to porn, or that they do it quickly in the shower so their partner won’t know.


Let’s face it, most people learn to masturbate using the ‘quick and quiet’ method. Be quick because you might be caught and be quiet because, well, you might be caught. Add to that a whole bunch of shame and guilt that is usually handed down through our parents, the media, religion and society in general and often self-pleasuring has very little pleasure left in it at all.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s important to have your own healthy connection to your sexuality, to your body and it’s potential for pleasure. Masturbation can be so much more than just a bit of relief or something to do. Using your sexual energy with awareness and focus is actually really good for you.

Rather than just using masturbation to relieve your backed up sexual energy or waiting for someone else before you can engage with it, try being your own best lover. How would you want to be touched, seduced, romanced? It might feel a bit odd at first, but instead of masturbating in your usual way, give it some thought and create a situation that will not only feel great, but also help you to celebrate and really enjoy your sexy self.

Here’s a few ideas to make your self-pleasuring more pleasurable:

Seduce yourself – light some candles, play some sexy music, treat yourself to some new sexy lingerie, undress yourself slowly, massage your own body all over – do whatever you would do to seduce your ideal partner.

Experiment with sex toys – there are all sorts of wonderful sex toys for men and women that can be used on your own. Try a new vibrator, cock ring, anal beads or something else you’ve always wanted to try. How about nipple clamps or a male masturbator? It’ll just be you and the toys so you can be as free as you like to see what works for you.

Be daring – have you ever fantasized about having sex at work, on a late night train or other public place? Well, rather than waiting for someone to be daring with you, have a go at it yourself!

Nurture yourself – sexual energy is life force energy. It is healing, life affirming and healthy. Bring yourself to near orgasm and then relax, and allow the energy to spread around your whole body. Raise the energy again, and once more, rather than orgasming, allow the energy to move around your body. Use your breath to help it move. You can do this over and over again and choose whether you orgasm or not at the end. Remember – orgasm doesn’t always have to be a goal.

 

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