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How much do you share about your sexual past?

When you start seeing someone new, inevitably questions about your relationship and sexual history will come up at some point. So how much should you share and how much do you keep for yourself? Of course, there really are no right or wrong answers, just whatever works for you at the time with that particular person.


There are a few things, however, that I feel are quite important to share and other things that I feel are more optional.  I’ve listed my thoughts below. I’d be interested to hear yours.

Important

Sexual health is at the top of the list as far as I’m concerned.  No one is going to have a really mind-blowing sexy session if you’re worrying about getting an STI or getting pregnant. It’s imperative that before you sleep with someone new you have the safe sex chat. You don’t have to reveal your entire life history at this point, but you do need to share anything that could affect your partner or how you spend your time together.

Tell each other about any STI’s that you’ve tested positive for and any relevant details about that. Share when you were last tested and what you were tested for. Explain your preferred safe sex practices. For example – ‘I use condoms for all penetrative sex including sex toys, and for oral sex on men.’ ‘I use gloves for penetrative sex with hands.’ ‘I use dental dams or cling film for oral sex on women.’

Birth control is also important to talk about unless you are actually trying to get pregnant. Talk about your preferred method and what you are currently using. Make sure that everyone is happy with what you’ve chosen.

Likes and dislikes An open conversation about what you like and don’t like is a great way to get to know each other and deepen intimacy. There might be things you like but don’t want to do with this person or at this time. There might be new things you’d like to try within certain parameters. There will, of course, be things you learn and discover together

Optional

Previous experiences – it can be good to share some previous experiences if they help your partner to understand you better, help you get to know each other or have a particular relevance to what’s happening between you.

On the other hand, your partner may or may not be interested in how many previous partners you’ve had, the kinkiest thing you’ve done or the most outrageous place you’ve had sex. The perfect time to talk about those things may present itself in time. If you want to know those things, or anything else about your partner, definitely ask them. Just be prepared to share the same information about yourself.

A word to the wise – be sensitive about how you share this information! You don’t want to be in the middle of something intimate and mention that your ex did it better!

 

 

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