First dates are nerve wracking. There’s a reason you’re both there and that’s because you fancy each other. So whether it’s love or sex on your mind there’s a certain amount of pressure.
Do I fancy them as much as I thought I did?, do they fancy me?, what should I talk about?, am I playing it too cool or not cool enough?
So I thought I would start by drawing up a list of first date no nos. I mean once we know what not to do, we can concentrate on what we should be doing, right?
To get a fair and rounded list, I enlisted the help of the girls and boys in the sextoys.co.uk office. Here in no particular order is what really turns them off on a first date:
- Ex talk – he/she was too clingy, would never listen etc. We don’t care.
- Getting plastered – I am nervous therefore I must drink and make a prat of oneself. A couple to ease your nerves is fine. The date will be a waste of time if you can’t remember it.
- Mentioning that all your friends are getting married and having babies – OK, even if you are not a bunny boiler, this statement says DESPERATE to settle down.
- Not taking enough money with you – “Er I don’t have enough money to do that”. SO unattractive.
- Being too forwards (in a sexual way) – So you REALLY fancy them. Flirt and let them know but if you come on too strong they will assume you are promiscuous.
- Spending a lot of time texting or talking on the phone – Your date wants to be centre of attention, hit the silent button.
- Talking about yourself – A little is fine but ask them questions too. Conversations are two way.
- Telling them how they are the person of your dreams – Even if you feel it, don’t say it! They may run a mile. Slow and steady wins the race. Plus, you don’t know them yet.
- Giving them the third degree – Questions are good but try not to talk salary, future kids and how many girlfriends they have had. No one wants to feel they are taking a test.
- Breaking wind/burping – just no, NEVER!
Now that’s out of the way we can look at what we should be doing.
What to wear. Personally I think dressing down is better than over dressing. If they are picking the destination then make sure you get the name of the venue. That way you can GOOGLE it. If you’re not sure then I would say classic with a sexy twist.
If you are at the date stage then hopefully you know a bit about them. Choose somewhere you will both feel comfortable. If you are at ease you will feel more relaxed, confident and yourself. If you are a Harvester guy or gal then don’t go for the super posh restaurant. Not only will you be nervous, you will give your potential partner a false idea of yourself.
We touched on some of the no nos already. The trick on a first date is to keep it light and fun. You want to get an idea of whether you are compatible but the first thing to address is whether you can get on as friends. People’s dreams, wants and aspirations change so if they say they would love a dog and you don’t like them – don’t rule them out!
If you’re not into them – don’t flirt. It will give them a false impression and make things harder in the long run.
If you really like them, let them know. You will probably flirt without realising it but looking them in the eye, touching them when you talk and smiling and laughing lots is sure to give them the right indication. ‘My mum would LOVE you’ is not a good flirting tactic…
It’s that awkward moment at the end of the date. Do you go in for the kiss? Do you ask to see them again?
This is a hard one. Unless it’s pretty obvious you fancy the pants of each other I wouldn’t go in for a kiss. If you’ve had a nice time, tell them and promise to call. If you really like them, today’s technology gives us the benefit of being able to text them and tell them straight away. If the feeling isn’t reciprocated then you may or may not get a reply telling you so. No red faced moments.
So we’ve all the read the books that tell us not to call for 5 days and not to pick up the first time etc. I would advise not to play such games. If you have agreed to see each other again then call them as and when you want to. Only when you stay true to your feelings can you have the best chance of an honest and lasting relationship.