aster isn’t just about Creme Eggs, you
know, it is also an opportunity to get your hands on some
which are far more intriguing – albeit less delicious when you stick
your tongue inside. Because Tenga is one of my lifelong loves, I
wanted to give you the lowdown on an Easter gift that is way more fun
than anything Cadbury could dream up…
Let’s start with the basics: Tenga is a
sex toy company based in Japan that specialises in cool,
non-biological-looking sex toys. By that I mean that generally their
sex toys aren’t anatomical. Tenga’s sex toys look more like executive
desk toys than they do dicks or vaginas. I like this very much,
because I’m a fan of variety.
What are Tenga Eggs?
Tenga Eggs are a special kind of
masturbator. They come (as you might imagine) in small, egg-shaped
plastic cases, which you twist open to get to the good stuff inside.
Imagine a Kinder Suprise but you get a wank sheath instead of a
rubbish plastic toy. Alongside the sheath, Tenga Eggs also contain a
small packet of lube, which is handy because it means you can get
cracking (see what I did there?) as soon as your egg arrives, rather
than fumbling around, realising you’re out of lube, and having to
stick it on a shelf to use once you’ve popped to Boots.
How do you use Tenga eggs?
So the most important thing to know
about Tenga Eggs is that the sheaths aren’t like what you may be used
to with a Fleshlight or similar masturbator. Whereas a Fleshlight has
a hard shell to grip and a squishy insert, the masturbator that comes
inside a Tenga Egg is more like a soft, textured skin, that you use
to cover the head (and part of the shaft) of your penis. Depending on
your size, it might reach all the way down, but if you’re
particularly large don’t try to stretch it all the way to the base
because you might… as my other half put it after an accident…
“fuck straight through the end of it.”
Because of this, you probably want to
start a bit slowly – don’t go in all guns blazing, stretching it as
tight as you can and fapping like you’re trying to beat it to death.
I’d recommend starting off slowly, trying twisting the sheath as well
as stroking up and down. Really get used to the texture and
sensation. If you love edging, then this will almost definitely be
And while we’re on the subject of
texture, we come to my favourite thing about Tenga eggs – there are
loads of different textures to choose from. I think this is partly
why they please the magpie portion of my brain, which wants to
collect all the squishy sex things so I can experiment with them on
my partner’s dick. Pick up a couple and feel the differences in
sensation, or treat yourself for Easter and pick up a
pack of 6 Tenga Eggs
How much do Tenga eggs cost?
If you fancy playing with masturbators
but you’re not yet ready to splash out on one of the bigger or
pricier ones, this is again where the Tenga eggs come in handy.
They’re designed to be very low-cost and disposable, which means they
retail for less than a tenner. SexToys.co.uk has them discounted at
the moment, so they’re even less – you can pick up a
lover’s egg for just six pounds
. Although the company claims
they’re ‘one use’, in fact if you clean them (and manage to avoid
stretching them out and putting holes in) you can use them more than
once – I’ve certainly reused them, and the egg itself makes a handy
storage container to pop it back in once it’s dry ready to use again
in the future. You can even pick up
of the Tenga egg lotion/lubricant
for just four quid.
Persuaded yet? I’ll throw in one more
thing: if you order before Sunday you can use the code SEX30 for
30% off, and they’ll even be with you in time for Easter. Eat THAT, Cadbury’s.