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Erotic massage: in praise of getting slippy

If you’d asked me five years ago whether I fancied an ‘erotic massage’, I’d have probably asked if we could just get on with the sex. The idea of being rubbed all over with oil before shagging struck me as a very frustrating way to make the bedsheets messy, without any of the fun that comes with sex itself. But I was very very wrong.

It took my newest partner to convince me to change my mind on the subject of erotic massage. He’s much more tactile than I am, and he enjoys skin-on-skin contact. What’s more, he appreciates massage as an exciting experience in and of itself, rather than just an hors d’oeuvre to rush through before you get to the ‘main course’ of sex.

So what exactly changed my mind? Patience, experimentation, and ultimately the realisation that when you’ve got the right equipment, erotic massage can be really fun.

Erotic massage step one: prepare your surfaces

One of the things which helped to convince me on this was the introduction of fluidproof sheets into our house. Like these PVC bedsheets, for example, or the more ambitious (but probably even more fun) Touche body slide play mat. If you, like me, aren’t yet convinced on the joys of erotic massage, but you’re kind of curious to give it a go, investing £25-40 in one of these items is an excellent place to start. You can begin your erotic massage experiments without worrying about permanently staining the carpet, or having to wash all your bedsheets every time you crack out the oil.

 

Erotic massage step two: pick your favourite oil

There are so many different massage oils and lubes on the market, I couldn’t possibly tell you exactly which one will be right for you. My partner first started giving me massages using a bottle of body lotion from Boots – the idea being that perhaps I’d be less sceptical about the whole thing if we weren’t investing in a whole new set of kit. From there, though, we graduated to using lube that we had on hand, and eventually buying a few bottles of massage oil specifically designed for the purpose.

Standard massage oils – like the Balance Collection from Sliquid – will do the trick nicely, but if you’re feeling more adventurous you can buy candles which melt down into oil that can be drizzled over your lover’s body. There are even edible massage oils if you think you’re going to get so turned on you feel the need to lick each other.

 

Whichever you go for, remember that oil is not compatible with latex or certain sex toys, so it shouldn’t be used as a substitute for lube unless you’ve double-and triple-checked the packaging and it says that it is safe.

Erotic massage step three: crack out your top moves

Once you’ve prepared your surfaces, got your partner lying face down and smothered in oil, then you need to get working on your best erotic massage moves. Now, as I mentioned at the start of this piece, I’m not exactly experienced at massage. My previous reluctance to engage in it means that my own moves are a little ham-fisted at best. I usually straddle him, place both my hands on his back or shoulders, and move around in a few different directions with varying pressure until he starts making ‘ooh’ noises. But isn’t that really what most sex is anyway? You move your body around in different ways, listening out for when they make ‘ooh’ noises? Maybe I’m bad at sex too.

The point I want to make here, though, is that you don’t have to be a professional masseuse to give a cracking erotic massage – you mostly just need to listen to your partner and respond to what makes them feel good. If you’re not sure how to do it, offer a swap – get them to give you the kind of massage they’d enjoy, and then see if you can copy their moves (and vice versa!).

Erotic massage step four: make up your own next step

This bit’s really important, because in my house erotic massage usually leads to something else. Maybe sex, maybe a hand job, maybe a session in the shower to wash off all that oil, or taking things to the next level with a big tub of oil designed for Nuru massage (which is basically the practise of getting all slippery together and one of you using your entire body to pleasure the other one).

But sometimes it’s just a nice thing to enjoy in and of itself – taking a bit of time to relax and touch each other without any of the pressure that you’ll have to flip a switch and go into ‘rampant shagging’ mode at any opportunity.

I started this by telling you that I was sceptical about erotic massage – my past self was quite keen to skip anything that looked like ‘foreplay’ and just get down to the shagging. But one of the things I’ve learned from trying erotic massage with my partner is that sometimes it really is fun to just chill out and enjoy the moment – without worrying about what will happen next.

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