I was chatting with a group of friends recently and as usually happens, the conversation turned to sex. This time we were particularly talking about oral sex and I was surprised to learn that most of the women present had given up on receiving it because they rarely, if ever, orgasmed that way. I thought that was a real shame since there’s lots of pleasure and intimacy to be had that way, even if it doesn’t result in orgasm.
Some of the women said they felt self conscious about having their partner’s face down between their legs, some said they generally enjoyed it but couldn’t orgasm that way and a few said that they’d just never learned to like it. Oral sex is one of my favourite things to receive sexually so we had a good long chat about how to make it work. Here are some of the things we discussed:
Dealing with feeling self conscious – If you feel self-conscious about oral sex and having your partner’s face between your legs, let me tell you something – most men love offering a woman oral sex. Believe me, it’s a rare few who don’t! Your pussy is a mystical, magical and delicious place that most men can’t wait to savour. You might be worrying about the size of your thighs or maybe even the smell or taste of your pussy, but most men find the smell and taste an intoxicating elixir of femininity. Be assured that he’s offering this to you because he wants to do it. Take a few deep breaths, let go of any worries and see what happens.
Letting go of orgasm – There are lots of ways to orgasm and just because you don’t during oral sex doesn’t mean you should give it a miss. Try oral sex as foreplay, or throw it into the middle of things or even just on it’s own. It doesn’t have to lead to orgasm. You can do it just because it feels great! If you feel like orgasming you can move on to something else you know will work for you.
Guide your partner – Just because you have never reached orgasm during oral sex doesn’t mean it’s not possible. Let your partner know what you like. Tell him how and where feels good for you. Use sounds, words, and movements to encourage him when he’s onto a good thing! Let him know if you’re getting close and what you need to get there.
Pay attention to other sensual areas – While your partner is working his magic with his mouth and tongue, one or both of you could be stimulating your breasts, nipples, bum and other sensual areas. Try using a dildo or fingers inside you while he licks your clitoris. If that doesn’t work for you, try having him penetrate and tease you with his tongue while you take care of your clitoris with a vibrator or your fingers. Mix and match fingers, toys, lips, mouth and tongue to see what works for you.
Don’t give up on oral just because it hasn’t worked for you in the past or with a previous partner. Relax, get creative and have fun trying out all the different possibilities. It doesn’t matter if it leads to orgasm or not, enjoy the ride rather than the destination!