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Does size matter?

In my private practice, I often see men who fear that their penis is small and therefore couldn’t possibly pleasure a woman. It breaks my heart every single time I hear this. Somehow, our society has come to believe that bigger is always better. And it’s not just penises either. We promote the idea that bigger houses, cars or breasts make us appear more successful, more wanted, more loveable.


The answer to the age-old question, ‘Does size matter’ is no and yes. Let me explain:

Ultimately it doesn’t matter what size your penis is, you can still give and receive sexual pleasure. Being a good, conscious, sexy lover has nothing at all to do with what’s between your legs and everything to do with being present, open and up for it. You might have the largest penis in the west, but if you are a jerk, or not bothered to make sex interesting, or just too big for the vagina/mouth/ass in question, then big is definitely not better than small. Besides, ‘big’ and ‘small’ are subjective – what is big or small to one person will be different to the next person. There really is no such thing as big or small because it’s all relative.

The wonderful thing about us humans is that we come in all different shapes and sizes. What ‘fits’ for one person wouldn’t work for the next. I was with a guy when I was at Uni that had a particularly long penis. Being young and thinking then that size did matter, my eyes lit up when I saw it. Sadly, however, we just didn’t fit each other’s bodies. When he thrust inwards, he couldn’t get his body near mine without it hurting me. This left us both somewhat dismayed and unsatisfied. There was nothing wrong with his penis, or him, it just didn’t fit my body well. I’m pretty sure his next lover was a better fit and they had a fantastic sex life.

Unfortunately a lot of men get their ideas of how their penis should be from porn. I once had a client tell me that his penis was horribly disfigured and that he knew he could never have sex, never penetrate a woman. He was 25 years old, a virgin and desperate to be ‘normal’. I told him I was going to have to take a look in order to be able to help him. He was very, VERY nervous but agreed. When he revealed his penis it was a beautiful, normal penis. I was shocked that he thought it was disfigured at all. I asked him what he thought was wrong with it and he told me, ‘It leans to the left a bit’. That was it. He told me that he’d watched enough porn to know that his penis was wrong and would never be able to penetrate, much less pleasure, a woman. It took me two sessions to convince him that actually, a lot of men lean one way or the other and that women’s bodies are amazingly adaptable. Mouths, pussies and asses have the wonderful capacity to stretch.

So men, please don’t worry about the size of your penis. Learn to be a fabulous lover regardless of your size and find a partner that loves you just as you are. That is the perfect fit!

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