As I plan my annual trip round All The Relatives, and do the last few bits of my Christmas shopping, I am desperate to find out the truth: do I get laid more at Christmas, or does the festive period herald a bedroom drought?
Point one: Christmas is a holiday. Generally people get time off work over Christmas. And as a rule the less time you spend in the office the more time you have to get sexy. When you’ve got a few days off, you get to do that most wonderful thing: have sex at 2pm on a Tuesday, and recreate that same exciting feeling you used to get when you skipped school as a kid.
On the other hand…
You’re more likely to be busy over Christmas. Buying presents, visiting relatives, screaming into the abyss when you realise just how much it costs to buy a turkey big enough for twenty-five… all that stuff. Busy-ness equals less time to shag.
Everyone else will be out of the house a lot too – doing the aforementioned shopping, visiting, screaming, and maybe grabbing a glass of mulled wine in the local pub. That means you have a bit of ‘me time’ while they’re out of the house. And I don’t know about you but that’s when I tend to get most of my wanking done.
You’re stressed out. Aunt Morag hasn’t yet told you what time she’ll arrive on Boxing Day, and you’re trying to work out just how long it will take you to get the leftovers into a suitable shape to serve the guests when they arrive. What’s more, if you have children, I can only imagine that by 2pm on Christmas Day the house looks like the aftermath of a fight inside a snowglobe.
Masturbation and sex are two of the greatest stress relievers. If you have to deal with all that hassle, perhaps the sheer need for a quick break and an orgasm or two means you’ll manage to slot in a quick ten-minutes of ‘me-time’ while everyone else is doing the washing up.
What’s more, if you’re lucky someone will have slipped something sexy like a new vibrator into your stocking. Or if you’re like me, you’ll have invested in a stocking big enough to contain all the presents on your wishlist (top tip: a ‘bodystocking‘ is still technically a stocking – cough up, Santa).
So what’s the answer? Well, I can’t tell you the exact numbers, but I can tell you that more babies appear to be conceived during winter than summer. To try and narrow it down to Christmas, you’d expect August and September to have the highest birth rates, although unfortunately they’re pipped to the post by July – the month in which the most babies are born.
But I can tell you that on a personal level, I am going to find out whether Christmas is a mood-enhancer or a boner-killer. I’ve started logging the number of times I have sex this week, and I’m going to compare with the Christmas week to see just how different the numbers are. I’ll be back to update this blog in January, but in the meantime I would welcome your predictions in the comments – or numbers and guesses of your own. Do you have more sex/masturbation at Christmas? The same? Less? I need to know, for science and because it’s fun and it’s Christmas and I can.
If you’d like something to help you along the way, and possibly inspire you to make Christmas week more orgasm-filled than your test week, I can thoroughly recommend some of these sexy Christmas gifts, or picking up something cheeky and delightful in the sex toy Christmas sale. After all, if you can’t treat yourself now, when can you?