Confidence is a key issue when it comes to sex there’s no doubt about that. There are couples who can’t have sex with one another without having the lights off, or at least dimmed – while there are others who happily get stuck into one another over dinner or in the garden.
From a male perspective, a woman who is sexually confident is a Godsend. By confident I don’t mean overbearing or a sexual predator – that might be good for some men, but not for me. I mean a lady who knows what she likes and, though she may have body confidence issues (like many women sadly do), when it comes to getting hot and sweaty she’s loses her inhibitions and lets loose. In the past I’ve heard women say things like “I’m not behaving like that in the bedroom, I’m not a slag”… which is a shame because being confident sexually has nothing to do with sleeping around, it’s being able to be comfortable enough in yourself to really let go and enjoy the sexual experience.
I’ve had many conversations with my male friends about girls who are either frigid, or girls who just can’t relax between the sheets. It’s annoying to say the least and a massive turn off it must be said. We don’t expect a woman to be outrageously out of control and to try everything the minute you get in bed together, but my thinking has always been “You’re naked now, so you can’t all of a sudden be shy”. For example, I had a friend who was seeing a girl who refused point blank to get on top of him because she was embarrassed that he would be looking at her bouncing up and down. After being with someone for a certain amount of time, no matter how you feel about the way you look you should know that the other person finds you attractive, so surely that should fill you with enough confidence to saddle on up and go for a ride?
A lot of guys love it when their woman brings herself off in front of him but, again, this is something that some women just won’t do. Even down to sending a dirty picture, or whispering something suggestive to their partner in public. Some women won’t even initiate sex, ever.
Other examples include a girl who kept her bra on well into a long-term relationship, one who wouldn’t let her boyfriend look at her while she went down on him, one who wouldn’t wear heels for her man because it was ‘slaggy’ and another who wouldn’t do doggy because she thought she had a fat arse. Ridiculous.
Body confidence is a huge, ongoing issue for women, we understand that and fair enough if you’re with someone in the early stages then obviously you’re going to be a little bit daunted by letting someone you don’t know very well see you doing all kinds things without any clothes on. But, as you grow together and get to know each other, this really shouldn’t be an issue.
Likewise being able to express yourself and contribute to the sexual experience vocally is also very important. If you like/dislike something, or have fantasies you want to share – do so! Men sometimes need to be directed, we don’t know it all, far from it. Sometimes it’s nice if the woman takes the lead and makes it clear that she wants you. A lot of the guys I know find it really boring when sex is one-sided, just like a conversation, if you’re doing all the work it can become monotonous very quickly. As long as there’s a balance and a kind of equilibrium to the whole encounter then you can’t really go wrong. Of course there are situations when one person wants to be submissive or dominant but, generally speaking, it’s great when your woman is responsive and willing to let her hair down. There really is nothing more sexy than a woman, no matter what her body type, who oozes confidence and isn’t afraid to express herself sexually… it’s a massive turn on to feel wanted by your woman and to know that she’ll give as good as she gets when you get down to business.
Overall, the bottom line is – when you’re in the throes of passion there’s no room for being timid and, to get the best out of each other, you really need to share your every desire and explore each others’ minds and bodies.