Top sex toys for your inner geek

We’re VERY excited to have sex toy reviewer Emmeline Peaches joining us today – she’s here to give you a run-down on the best sex toys to satisfy your inner geek…

Okay, we can all relax now guys. Being a geek is officially sexy and has been for some years now. I remember a time when Marvel movies would have been laughed out of the theatres but now most people are fantasizing about having steamy sex with their favourite super hero (or heroine). What a time to be alive.

It is my humble opinion that geeks have always been sexy, as well as being prime candidates for sexual enthusiasm. After all geeks are, by virtue of the term, incredibly passionate people. They have an energy about them and when they love something they go whole hog. To quote the great geek Simon Pegg ‘Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection’. How well does that translate into the bedroom? How fantastic a piece of relationship advice is that? I think you already know the answers to those questions.

Being a geek and a sex geek adds an entirely new level to a relationship. If being is a geek is, as Pegg says, ‘extremely liberating’ then imagine where that liberation could go when given a sexual twist. And what good geek doesn’t have a collection?

As a sex toy reviewer (and a self-confessed geek of many shades) I’ve certainly compiled my own inventory of sexual delights over the years, perfectly primed to give me bonus modifiers in the bedroom. However, the starting sex geek might feel a little intimidated by the selection on offer.

If this sounds like you then worry not! I have compiled this list of top toys for your inner geek. With any hope some of them will turn out to be a critical success for you.

Spicy Dice

Many people will remember the iconic scene in the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon began initiating dice sex with Amy via his roleplay character. In fact to many table top gamers the seductive nature of a good set of dice is never something to be underestimated.

Unlike Shamy’s foray into the allure of the dice roll I’m recommending a more hands on approach. There are many sexy dice sets out there but I picked the Spicy Dice for this list. Why? Well as opposed to simply having D6s this set of dice comes with two D8s, which gives the set more of an authentic Dungeons and Dragons feel.

This particular set of dice encourage you to play the game until both of the D8s say ‘Sex’ Alternatively you can break all of the rules and stop when you’re ready. That’s basically the dice rolling equivalent of a forbidden romance and I love it.

The Hot Octopuss Pulse II

Whether you buy the solo or duo version this sleek ‘guybrator’ or male vibrator is a revolutionary piece of sex tech. Hailed as the most powerful male-specific stimulator on the market, the Pulse II is considered to be a ‘next-generation’ masturbator. And I know how us geeks feel about next-gen tech.

Outside of its sex tech accreditations the Pulse II always looked rather geeky to me. To my mind it kind of looks like a xenomorph if you removed the many deadly features of the alien and just kept the sheer, sleek aesthetics. Maybe I’m crazy in that regard but what has been seen cannot be unseen.

If you purchase the Pulse II Duo then your partner can also experience the Pulse II via a remote. All-in-all the Pulse II is a really cool piece of gadgetry with a sci-fi vibe too it. What’s not to love?

Doc Johnson’s Super Hung Heroes: The Hammer

Who didn’t see this coming? I could basically put the whole Hung Heroes line in this section for how amazing geeky each and every one is. I mean they’re superhero-inspired phalluses. It doesn’t get that more geektastic really.

That being said I picked The Hammer, and with good reason too. Not only is Thor undeniably hot (and should totally become the God of rough and steamy trysts…just sayin’) but The Hammer looks like the geekiest out of the entire line for me.

Sure, a dildo decorated with the Bat signal is incredibly cool, and a golden shaft carefully crafted into the shape of Ironman is very tempting, but The Hammer is, well, a hammer. Unlike the other dildos in this range I feel like I could display The Hammer as a piece of geek memorabilia and people would be none the wiser. If I was feeling particularly daring then I could even cosplay with it and it would still remain relatively inconspicuous.

As such The Hammer stands out not just as a geeky sex toy but also a piece of legitimate geek paraphernalia. It’s something I can display proudly in my vanilla geek collection before holding it up to the sky naked in a mighty pose and then proving just how worthy I am of it. In that The Hammer is the ultimate geeky sex toy (for my inner geek at the very least). To borrow from another fandom, it’s only logical.

And those are three of my top toys for your inner geek. Obviously I could ramble on for absolute pages about this—covering toys for the exercise geek, the tech geek, the anime geek and so on. But, to be honest, I kind of feel like half the fun of geek culture is the discovery; the moment you find something that captures your imagination and has you eagerly searching for more.

Hopefully I’ve laid the groundwork for any aspiring sex geeks out there but, from here on, this quest is yours and yours alone, should you wish to take it.

Good luck my friends,


For more fantastic blogging and exciting geekery, check out Emmeline’s website at where she gives you the low-down on the best sex toys, as well as being a champion campaigner against scam products that you should avoid. 

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