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Door jam cuffs and the joys of bargain BDSM

I’m going to do something I don’t usually do on this blog: focus on one really specific toy. Usually I’ll pick a news story that’s got some sex themes (sex robots anyone?) or do a run-down of some top pick sex toys (like these Fleshlight accessories) and why you should buy them. Today, though, I want to focus on one really specific toy. It costs less than a tenner, and it’s the niftiest bit of BDSM kit I’ve ever bought: door cuffs.

What are door jam cuffs?

Let’s start with the very basics because… well… these are very basic. Like some of the best things in life, they’re just the product of someone’s kinky imagination and a nifty bit of design.

Door jam cuffs are handcuffs that have short metal poles on the end, held on with a thin strap of the kind you’d get on a bag. The cuffs themselves are velcro, for super-quick opening and closing, and the whole thing costs less than £10. At the moment, at any rate – you might have to grab them quickly while they’re on sale. But even after the sale they only go up to £14.95, and that’s still cheap as chips for a piece of equipment that’s so simple and versatile.

Why are door jam cuffs so awesome?

First thing’s first: I am not great at doing all the knots and ties that you need to do to count as a bondage expert. My partner’s got a little scouting knowledge, so he can sometimes tie me up into a nice package, but honestly both of us are usually a little too horny to spend time creating the perfect hogtie. Ideally what we want are cuffs that come with velcro, so they can be swiftly put on and removed.

But on top of that, it’s nice to have cuffs and restraints that allow for new and interesting positions. Our bed is lovely, but if all our sex happened inside it then I’d never get to experience that secret thrill of walking past a doorway elsewhere in the house and remembering that time when I got shagged vigorously up against it. The way these cuffs work is you slip the straps over the top of a door, close the door, then restrain your willing victim up against it.

You can face towards the door and stick your bottom out, to show off how great your arse is and for top standing-doggy-style action, or you can face away from the door and towards your partner, letting them tease and play with you until you’re practically ripping the cuffs in your haste to get on with the shagging.

Another bonus: you can struggle as much as you like in these cuffs and they remain solid and tight. The only time you might need to worry is if your doors are made of something flimsy like plywood.

Kinking your home on a budget

If you’re a fan of BDSM, you’ve probably seen lots of BDSM furniture before – in porn and on online shops, which you drool over every now and then while wondering if you will ever be rich enough to spend five grand on a St Andrew’s Cross. The answer is that you probably won’t, and the people who buy that stuff are usually the ones who can also afford their own basement sex dungeon (like this one in Vauxhall – a snip at £3 million).

But sex toys like these door jam cuffs or these under-the-bed restraints (for just £20 – twenty quid!) are the perfect solution: you can get some of the practical benefits of kinkified furniture without making your wallet weep with the sheer pain of it all.

And that’s where my final point comes in, and why I think everyone who likes This Kind Of Thing should have a go with door jam cuffs or other simple restraints. When you buy expensive sex toys, there’s often that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you simply must use them all the time. After all, you spent a whole month’s ‘fun money’ on this or that item, so you need to make sure you’re getting your money’s worth. I know the feeling, and it isn’t nice. It’s a quick way to turn ‘BDSM’ into ‘boredom’ as you pile on the additional stress and pressure that comes with feeling like you have to get your money’s worth. On the other hand, cheaper restraints like these come with no pressure at all – you can stick them in your drawer (or on a door) and use them as and when the fancy takes you. As a result, I think, you’ll have a hell of a lot more fun.

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