Orgasms: you'd think they couldn't get better than they already are, wouldn't you? But according to scientists, it's possible to have something called a 'super orgasm.' What exactly are these magical things, and how can you go about achieving something so powerful it sounds like it would cause an actual earthquake? Let's find out.
As someone who's had a lot of orgasms, I'm well aware that these fabulous things can vary in quality. Sure, an orgasm is always nice, but some are nicer than others: there's a big difference in sensation for me between a clitoral orgasm with sensation pinpoint-targeted just to my clitoris, and an orgasm that also involves penetration – with a penis or a nicely-curved dildo – at the same time. Then there's the issue of mood: sometimes I just want a quick one, other times I am in the mood to spend a bit more time really building up to it. And sometimes I'll have an orgasm that takes me by surprise – just a quick 'oh' and then it's over.
Knowing that the quality of orgasms can vary from 'fantastic' to 'fine' is one thing, but being informed it's possible to have a 'super orgasm' is quite another. In the news this week: scientists have told us that women are capable of having these 'super orgasms', which essentially equate to having multiple orgasms – 100 in a row to be precise. I don't know about you but I'm not sure I have the time – I'd never get anything else done.
Nevertheless, here's the deal :
“The research was part of a Channel 4 documentary called The Super Orgasm, and involved measuring five women’s brain activity.
“The results showed that women are capable of multiple orgasms, and that the ‘super orgasm’ is not a myth – it’s totally possible, but depends on oxytocin (the hormone that makes you happy and cuddly).”
They recommended three things that could help you build that oxytocin and potentially help you achieve a 'super orgasm': relaxation, bonding and yoga.
Why is it that any kind of sexual improvement always wants me to do yoga? Yoga is either the most incredible activity known to humankind, or it has the greatest marketing department on earth. Want to do these sex positions? Try yoga. Want to still be shagging when you're ninety? Try yoga. Want to achieve a super-orgasm? Try yoga. Ugh. I'll have you know I've tried yoga in the past and – brace yourselves – it's quite boring. I am not the 'meditating' type, I am more of the 'sit in the pub and have a chat over a pint and a packet of crisps' type. So sorry, yoga-buffs, I am not going to put on my leggings and roll out a mat just yet.
This research, like pretty much any other research that gets rolled out with a fanfare and a line about revolutionising your sex life, should be taken with a grain of salt. It's based on a fairly small study, and what's more the way it has been reported makes me a little bit uncomfortable. One publication that will remain nameless said something along these lines:
“Some women claim they cannot orgasm. But scientists have argued that all women are capable of super orgasms.”
Which, for women who struggle to climax, must be a bit of a slap in the face. There are plenty of things that can get in the way of your orgasm – from stress or depression to medications and physical issues. Being told 'well science says you can' is about as sexy as being told to take off your bra ad pop on a lab coat before you get down to it.
The second issue that I have is that the more precise and intense our sexual goals, the more we can potentially forget that sex is supposed to be fun. As someone who is both competitive and ambitious, I'd worry that striving for a super orgasm might make me so focused on that one goal that I forget to enjoy all the other parts of sex: the foreplay, the dirty talk, the touching and kissing and all that good stuff.
So: if you want to have a go at having a super orgasm, it's a long road and probably quite an arduous one (did I mention you have to do all that yoga?). And there's no guarantee at the end of it that you'll actually achieve what you've set out to achieve – it might just be a damp squib rather than an earth-shattering climax. Not to say you shouldn't have a go if you want to – we're coming up to an Easter bank holiday after all, so alongside buying your eggs you might also be tempted to try for a super orgasm. But if you're not? Don't sweat it. Pick up super-powerful wand vibrator instead, or a bullet or a dildo if that's more your bag. Your orgasms might not be tested by scientists, but they'll probably be super nonetheless.