As someone who works in the sex industry, I often get asked about the best sex advice - whether it's tips of my own or advice other people have given me, it's usually easy to pick a few key pieces of wisdom that have stuck with me throughout the years. But there's loads to be learned from bad sex advice too, so allow me to present three examples of the worst sex advice I've ever been given, which you can hopefully share on Facebook and Twitter to make sure no one repeats these rubbish tips ever again.
1. Play hard to get
As a woman, I am given this advice almost constantly. Rarely from individuals - although it was definitely common when I was younger to be told 'chill out, stop asking men out: they enjoy the chase!' like straight men are more closely related to lions than actual human women. This advice is usually given in the form of hints and tips in romantic dramas. The woman is – so the story goes – meant to flutter her eyelashes and flirt a bit from afar, and the man is meant to go on some kind of modern-day quest to win her affection. After a lot of time and a hell of a lot of faffing, eventually they may end up having sex.
My answer to this is: if I want to have sex with someone, why on earth would I pretend that I don't? All the time spent doing this weird dance with each other, waiting days to text back and playing out your own will-they-won't-they romcom, is time that could far better be spent lubingeach other up and banging into the early hours of the morning.
2. Don't bring a vibe into the bedroom because your boyfriend will feel insecure
This opinion belongs straight in the trash. In fact, I'm only fishing this opinion out of the trash for the purpose of writing this blog post, after which I will hurl it with extra venom straight back into the bin.
Humans are weird creatures. We get nervous or insecure about a whole bunch of things that other people probably don't even NOTICE, let alone care about. Our wrinkles, wobbly bits, messy bits, the size of certain organs... whatever. I'm not immune from this kind of insecurity myself, and I know that guys and girls I've slept with aren't immune either. But there's a big difference between accepting your own insecurities and letting them get in the way of you having fun.
Just as slogans that tell you to 'get a bikini body' shouldn't stop you from getting your average-and-perfectly-lovely body out to the beach, so fears about dick size or sexual prowess shouldn't preclude you from having fun with vibrators. If you – or your partner – feels intimidated by a vibrator, the best course of action is some exposure therapy. Sit down together and pick out a sex toy you both like the look of. Play with it together. Recognise that this object is so far from a human being that the idea of it replacing one is as ridiculous as the idea of electing a teapot as Prime Minister.
3. Never shag your friends
“Oh it'll ruin the friendship!” they say, as if friendship is some weird no-man's-land which people can never leave (or return to). Do you know what is awesome about your friends? LOADS OF STUFF. They're your friends! You already like them a lot, and have stuff in common with them, because you've been hanging out for ages. You get each other's jokes, you understand what the other one likes, and you have probably spent a few evenings talking about sex, ex-partners, or your bucket list plans for the future.
So why not have sex with your friends? If you and your mates fancy each other and want to get naked, the only possible reason I could think not to is if one or other of you is secretly, desperately in love with the other. That way many emotions lie, and you want to make sure that no one's going to leave your playful tryst with any sad feelings.
But I have shagged a fair few of my friends: some of them had been friends for a long time before we did it, others started out as shags and then blossomed into beautiful friendships, others bounced back-and-forth between lover and friend for so long that I forgot how they began in the first place.
So while you probably shouldn't use this as an excuse to email all your pals and say 'fancy a shag?' I don't think you should prevent yourself from having sexy fun with people you love, just because you don't happen to be in romantic love with them. You can go on sexy holidays with them, invite them round to your house for a little light bondage or spanking, and you could even play sexydress-up with them when you're bored on a Friday night.
What's the worst sex advice you've ever been given? Tell me in the comments below, as I'd love to add more things to the list. Busting myths and trashing bad advice is one of my favourite things. Alongside sex itself, of course.