Did you know that May is Masturbation Month? While I'm sure you're happy masturbating all year round, it's nice to have an entire month dedicated to the art of wanking. To celebrate, here are some of my favourite random facts about masturbation picked up while writing this blog.
Masturbation Month is a great opportunity to discuss the benefits of masturbation, as well as share top tips and sex ed that should hopefully help to dispel the stigma surrounding masturbation. And at the very least, it's a nice excuse to treat yourself to one or two more hand shandies.
To celebrate Masturbation Month, I thought I'd round up some of my favourite weird facts about masturbation. Share them with your friends, lovers, and anyone you think could do with cheering up.
7. Liberal Democrats are more likely to want to watch someone masturbate
Great news if your partner is planning to put their cross in the yellow box this general election – a poll run by YouGov around the time of the last election quizzed supporters of different parties on their sexual tastes .
Apparently Lib Dems were more keen on watching a live masturbation show than supporters of other parties - Labour were more into spanking, and Conservatives were a little more... well... conservative.
6. The Japanese language has an equivalent word for 'fap'
Just as other languages have different sounds for animal noises – a dog's bark is 'woof' in English but 'wan wan' in Japanese – so they also have different sounds to describe the noise made when you rub one out.
If you want to describe the sound of someone having a wank in Japanese, it is 'shiko shiko' (say it out loud) – it's the equivalent of 'fap fap fap' in English, and written in the katakana alphabet it's シコシコ.
5. Humans aren't the only species that masturbates
Dog-owners know this only too well, but they're not unusual when you look at the rest of the animal kingdom - many species have been observed masturbating, from porpoises to deer and even squirrels.
Monkeys are so horny, that their frequent vigorous masturbation has even attracted complaints from zoo visitors .
4. Someone was once arrested for trying to masturbate with a postbox
No, really. Not only that, but people have been caught trying to put their dicks in a quite astonishing array of different things, including (but not limited to) bikes, toasters, cars and shop mannequins .
3. Religious groups haven't tried to ban tissue sales to stop masturbation
Naturally, we're fascinated by wanking. And so naturally, the topic of masturbation has spawned more intriguing rumours and urban legends than almost any other human activity. My favourite was a story that did the rounds a couple of years ago – that the Mormon church was trying to limit sales of tissues in an effort to get people to cut down on masturbation. It wasn't true , of course. Even if it were, banning tissues would be entirely ineffective unless you also banned: socks; flannels; tea-towels; and as one of my ex-boyfriends taught me to my horror – curtain fabric.
2. There's a website that documents people's wanking-related trips to A+E
Radiopaedia is a site for radiologists, where they collect some of the more unusual examples of … ahem … 'foreign objects located inside patients.' The list of weird and unsafe things people have masturbated with includes some of the obvious culprits – cucumbers and carrots – as well as a few more 'wtf' examples, like eggs and broom handles.
Don't put a downer on your own masturbation month: make sure that if you're masturbating with something inside you, it's a safe, sexy anal toy rather than a random household object. You'll thank me in the long run.
1. Masturbation is free, safe, legal and good for you!
Well, duh! You probably already know that masturbation is good for your mental health: if you're a wanker like I am you'll have experienced the rush of dopamine and oxytocin that accompanies a good orgasm. But you may not know that masturbation is also good for your physical health – it can help keep your pelvic floor muscles in shape, and masturbation has also been linked to better overall prostate health.
I can't think of anything else that gives such a direct and easy high as masturbation that doesn't either
- cost money
- require a partner or
- risk you getting arrested.
And if that hasn't convinced you to sit back, lube up and enjoy Masturbation Month, I'll leave you with my favourite masturbation quote, from Truman Capote:
"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."