Blog - ​Four things to ignore this bank holiday in favour of having sex

Swipe to the left
By Girl on the Net 3 months ago 398 Views No comments

For horny layabouts like myself, Bank Holidays are an excellent opportunity to relax, get naked, and catch up on all the sex you were too tired for during the average working week. Unfortunately, lots of other things tend to get in the way. So for those of you who want a hot bank holiday (in more than one sense), and want to spend the weekend using the fab sex toys you picked up in our Bonk Holiday sale, here's how to get out of annoying obligations and give yourself time for getting dirty...

Definitely not better than sex: DIY

Ah, the dreaded visit to B&Q, followed by half a day's frustrated swearing at a set of shelves. Or enduring paint fumes and an aching back only to realise once you've finished that the 'meadow green' you thought you'd picked up is actually the exact colour of a migraine. Traditional Bank Holiday DIY can leave you miserable and exhausted – not exactly the best mood in which to begin a sex session.

Instead why not put away the paintbrushes and turn off the tools? Top excuses for not doing DIY include:

  • I've got a bad back.
  • We should wait until there's a sale on at Wickes.
  • I've won the lottery so we could just move house instead.

When you've successfully discharged your DIY obligations, treat yourself to a relaxing wank with a Tenga Egg Cool Edition. This one comes with a sachet of 'cooling' lube - the perfect way to chill out on a sunny Bank Holiday. And in our Bank Holiday sale it's down from £12.99 to just £5. Bargain.

Alternatively, pick up some Sliquid Naturals Carrageen Lube and use in conjunction with your favourite dildo: no need to feel guilty, because in my mind this still technically counts as 'drilling.'

Slightly less good than sex: Brunch with friends

Don't get me wrong, hanging out with friends is nice. But squeezing yourselves onto a table outside a busy cafe when everyone else in your town has had the same idea is about as fun as spending the weekend in a sweaty queue. Ditch the overpriced avocado toast and instead make use of one of these excuses:

  • I've got a summer cold.
  • I'm allergic to daylight.
  • I'm going gluten-free and vegan so there's nothing I can eat.

Once you've successfully wrangled your way out of that commitment, you can hunker down in the bedroom and spend your weekend having sizzling sex. If you've someone to play with, this 50 Shades of Grey Kinky Fuckery kit should keep you entertained for far longer than any brunch date...

Sex definitely beats: Going to the beach

The phrase 'British beach' sounds like an oxymoron - like 'hot ice-cream' or 'boring sex.' But despite the chip-stealing seagulls, freezing sea, and stones instead of sand, hundreds of thousands of Brits choose to head to the seaside on Bank Holiday weekends. I can only assume they are driven by some kind of masochism, or they haven't perfected their beach-avoiding excuses. Excuses like:

  • The dog ate my swimming costume.
  • I have a phobia of the beach ever since I was attacked by a rogue seagull in Torquay.
  • The relentless, unending ocean with its foamy waves and eternal depths makes me contemplate the nature of existence. My place in the universe starts to feel insignificant and pointless, so it probably doesn't make a difference if I simply stay at home.

If you want the fun of the beach but without the hassle, sex in a bath or paddling pool might be the way to go. It'll also help you cool off during this weird heatwave we seem to be having. Pick up a few ice-creams and some silicone lube – this Sliquid Naturals Silver is a great one, and as it's silicone-based it will last longer during bath/shower/paddling-pool play than a water-based equivalent.

Way worse than sex: Visiting local attractions

What's that? Someone's opened a pop-up restaurant that serves burgers inside flower pots? Or there's a rickety funfair in town that's charging 9 quid for a go on the Waltzers? Hard pass.

All the time you spend wandering aimlessly and sweatily around boring local attractions is time you could spend in the bedroom instead. So when the invites drop into your inbox offering you the opportunity to explore local attractions, try some of these excuses on for size:

  • I've got lots of DIY to do this weekend.
  • I'm having brunch with friends.
  • We've already planned to go to the beach.

See? I'm a genius. When you've escaped the tyranny of local museums and the Sea Life Center, you'll have more time to play with the bargain sex toys you've just bought. Like this Loving Joy silicone butt plug which is only £7 ! You usually pay a premium price for silicone toys, so buying this for £7 is tantamount to theft. We'll let you off, though, as long as you promise you'll make the most of it.

Bonk Holiday Sizzler – Pick Up Bargain Sex Toys

No matter which Bank Holiday plans you want to cancel in favour of sex, we've got you covered with a range of amazing sex toys that are well worth staying home for. Have a look at the Bonk Holiday Sizzler Sale , where you can get up to 60% off various sex toys, lubes, condoms and more.