It's festival season! What are the best vibrators to take to festivals?
I love a good festival: three days (or sometimes more) during which you can switch your phone off, drown yourself in cider, and focus every bit of your energy on having a lovely time. And if you, like me, refuse to let two days' worth of summer tent sweat get in the way of your orgasms, festivals can be pretty sexy places too.
I've already had my turn with summer festivals this year at Latitude – now I'm eagerly awaiting Glastonbury tickets going on sale for 2019. But there are plenty more festivals coming up in 2018: Rize, Reading and Leeds hot on its heels later in August, and Creamfields if you're looking for somewhere to rave.
But once you've got your tickets and dusted off your tent, what's next on your packing list? I asked the team here at SexToys.co.uk for their top picks of the best vibrators to take to festivals.
Best rabbit vibrator to take to a festival
Let's face it: you're in a tent. And when you're in a tent all but the quietest noises can carry way further than you intend them to. Many's the time I've been returning from the main arena at 3 in the morning and been treated to the dulcet sex moans of loved-up festivalgoers. I don't blame them, of course: even if others can hear your noise, a tent-based hookup is way better than a snog and a fumble amid the horror or the portaloos.
But seeing as sound carries, the best rabbit vibrator for a festival is one that's whisper quiet, and ideally easily rechargeable from a portable USB battery pack. Enter the Svakom Alice G Spot Rabbit Vibrator, a dual-stimulating clitoral and g-spot vibrator of the kind made famous in Sex and the City. It ticks both the 'whisper quiet' and 'rechargeable' boxes, and it's waterproof too. So even if this heatwave breaks and your festival is a washout, you can console yourself with a masturbation session when you're finally home and dry.
Best bullet vibrator to take to a festival
Naturally, bullet vibrators are even more portable than rabbit vibrators – so portable that you could conceivably even take it into the main arena with you in case your clitoris gets bored during the sound test. Perhaps most useful at Burning Man – a festival famed for its 'orgy dome' and other sexual delights. But if you're traveling to a festival by bus, train or (as I've heard some enthusiastic fitness fanatics actually do) by BIKE, then you'll want to pack as lightly as possible.
So you need a quiet bullet vibrator that – as above – is rechargeable, and ideally a powerful vibrator so you can get off quickly and have more time to spend listening to music in the sunshine. For this my colleagues at SexToys recommended the Loving Joy Power Bullet. Also whisper-quiet, this powerful vibrator does... well, it kind of seems like everything? It has 20 different vibration functions, as well as a magnetic charging unit. This small, powerful vibrator will be your new best festival friend – except that guy off his face on Ecstasy who gives you a flower and calls you 'beautiful.'
Best couples vibrator to take to a festival
Again, my colleagues here have gone for quietness as one of the key important features, and chosen this Alive 10 Function Remote Controlled Love Egg. It'll be pretty quiet as a matter of course, because it's designed to be worn inside your vagina. And I don't know about you but my vagina is pretty good at sound-dampening, especially if there's a young DJ nearby blasting out their excitable first festival set.
This toy is designed to enhance pleasure by making it playful – an egg-shaped bullet vibrator sits inside your vagina, just up by the g-spot (don't panic, it has a cord you can pull to get it out so you don't lose it like you lost your festival virginity at Reading back in 2011). It's basically a vibrating love egg that comes with a remote control, so you can give the remote control to your partner and let them scroll through the 10 different functions, and give you an extra thrill no matter where you are.
Just don't, whatever you do, try to take it apart and use it to smuggle drugs in. Who needs class A highs when you can have class-A orgasms?
Best anal vibrator to take to a festival
It's rare for me to describe a sex toy as 'cute' and really mean it in a nice way, but I'm going to do so with this vibrating butt plug because holy hell, it's adorable. Rocks Off are kind of known for making really decent bullet vibrators that are affordable enough to open the door to a world of sexual pleasure, so it's nice that they've applied that know-how to anal sex toys too – especially ones you can easily slip in your backpack to cart off to Leeds.
The Rocks Off Petite Sensations Plug is a small, smooth vibrating butt plug made of silicone with a powerful vibrating bullet in the base. All you need now is some lube...
Lube and accessories to take to festivals
It's not just the scrumpy they're serving at the beer tent that's a little on the dry side: this heatwave has turned the UK countryside from lush greenery into a barren wasteland of dust and straw. And when you're drinking, and sitting in the sun all day, you're naturally going to get dehydrated. As well as making sure to get plenty of water during the festival (look after yourselves, kids!) the dehydration could also have an effect on your natural lubrication. Seriously, if you don't believe me, try shagging with a hangover. Besides, dehydration or not - sometimes we just need a little help with lubricating.
So to replenish your natural juices and make sure you can enjoy the sex toys that you've brought along with you, make sure to slip a little lube into your rucksack too. This Loving Joy Slide lubricant is water-based, which means it's safe to use with all the sex toys mentioned above, and it's also unscented/unflavoured, so you don't have to worry about walking round the festival on the last day smelling like a sticky fruit salad. And for those clean-up operations, this anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner (also from Loving Joy) will make sure you can enjoy what you've brought more than once!
But I can't have an orgasm at a festival – I haven't had a shower!
This is one of the most common worries about sex – or masturbation – at a festival. And I'm here to tell you that there are plenty of ways around it. If it's a shower you're after, I can thoroughly recommend finding space between your favourite bands on the schedule and heading to the shower block in the late afternoon or evening: most people will have braved the queues earlier in the day, so you have a comparatively higher chance of getting in if you're a latecomer.
If the showers don't do it for you, the magic combination of wet wipes and a quick tent wash should do the trick. When I go to festivals with my friends, our favourite day is usually Saturday morning, when we take it in turns to wash each other's hair using water we've collected the day before and left out in the morning sunshine to warm up a little. With the judicious hanging of towels or tarpaulin on trees or a gazebo, practical folks can subtly create their own private shower area. It's not quite the luxurious wash you'd have in your own home, but it does the job in a pinch.
So what are you waiting for? Grab yourself a festival sex toy, and be that one person in the campsite who everyone's jealous of, because all they thought to bring was a pipe of Pringles and a crate of sun-warmed Carling.