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We’re trying for a baby and bored with sex

Dear Rebecca,


My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 5 months now. It was really fun at first but now sex seems like a chore and we’re both getting pretty bored. Any ideas how to keep it fresh while we try for a baby?

Thanks,

Kaylee

Hi Kaylee,

Thanks for your email. It’s not uncommon for some of the fun to be drained out of sex when you’re trying to get pregnant. Concerns about whether you’re ovulating or not, is this the best day for it, is it going to happen this time and other worries tend to get in the way of actually enjoying the sex.

Here are a few suggestions for keeping sex pleasurable when you’re trying to conceive:

Be a team – You’ve decided as a couple that it’s time to start or add to your family. Make sure that even when the going gets tough, you stick together. If one or both of you is feeling stressed about it, talk about it, offer each other a gentle massage or whatever else you need to stay connected to each other. Be aware not to blame each other when things feel stressful. Be on the same team and help each other out.

Remember the romance – It can be easy to see your partner as a walking sperm bank when you’re ovulating and really want to get pregnant. That might be cute at first but can wear you both down over time. Use this time as the perfect opportunity to romance each other, whether that leads to sex or not.

Spontaneity – You might be well aware of when you ovulate and when your temperature is at optimum levels for getting pregnant, however, that can take away a lot of the spontaneity of sex. Make sure you still follow your desires and have sex as the desire naturally arises. You don’t have to just have sex when you might get pregnant.

Be adventurous – Have a chat about new things that you both might like to try. Whether that’s a particular sex toy, a new position, or even something like sex outdoors, now would be a great time to give it a try.

Don’t have sex – Okay, I know that sounds crazy. What I mean is, make sure you spend some quality, romantic, connecting time together that isn’t just about sex. Be sensual, go for a walk or to the cinema or anything else that takes the pressure off both of you for a while but helps you to stay connected and in love.

With love,

Rebecca

 

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