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We’re new to bondage

Dear Rebecca,


My partner and I are really interested to try bondage, but I’m a little nervous about the first time. What if he does something I don’t like when I’m tied up? Is there a way to do it without feeling so vulnerable?

Thanks,

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

Thank you for your email. Bondage has lots of potential to add deeper layers of intimacy, fun and even healing to your sex life. One of its attractions is the vulnerability of the person who has their movement restricted. If you’re particularly worried about that aspect of it, then it might be best to start gently.

Rather than having your whole body or both wrists and ankles tied up, just start with one area at a time. Perhaps your partner could tie one wrist and/or one ankle to the bed. That way you still have the other wrist and ankle free and can just start to see what it would feel like to be restrained.  If you felt safe, you could ask him to restrain more of you.

Another way to start to feel safe when restrained is to agree with your partner that he must ask permission for each thing he wants to do to you once you’re tied up. Ask him to begin each request with ‘May I…’ For example, he could say, ‘May I kiss your tummy?’, ‘May I lick your pussy?’, ‘May I spank you?’. Obviously he must agree to only do the things you say yes to.

I’d also suggest you allow yourself to learn to relax into the feeling of being vulnerable. As long as you’re with someone you trust and feel safe with, that you know well enough to tie you up, they should be respectful of your wishes and your boundaries. Surrendering to your vulnerability can feel very intimate and is one of the beautiful possibilities offered by bondage.

Make sure that your partner agrees to untie you the minute you’ve had enough, especially while you’re still getting used to it. Also, make sure you tie him up too so he knows what it feels like to be vulnerable and restrained.

With love,

Rebecca

 

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