My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. During that time we’ve had pretty good sex so I don’t have much to complain about. However, recently he only seems to be able to orgasm if we’re in doggy position. I do like that position, but would sometimes like to be facing each other when he comes. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to look at me or if he’s not enjoying it, but I’m quite upset about and frankly, a bit bored by it too. Can you help?
Thank you for your email. If everything else is fine between you and sex has been good for most of your relationship, perhaps something new is going on for him. It could be that he’s tired and that is an easier position for him to orgasm in. It could be that he’s got used to how it feels or just happens to really like it that way.
Whatever it is, I would strongly recommend that you talk to him about it. My suggestion would be to offer him a ‘positive sandwich’. Rather than just laying into him or complaining that something isn’t right, start by offering him a compliment or saying something positive. Make sure it’s genuine and that you mean it! It could be something like, ‘I love it when you kiss my neck’ or ‘I really enjoy when we massage each other before getting more intimate’. Then you can gently say the thing that is on your mind. When you do, be sure to own your feeling rather than placing blame; ‘Honey, I’ve noticed that lately whenever you orgasm we’re always in the doggy position. I’m not sure what is going on for you, but I am feeling like maybe you don’t want to look at me. I’d really like it if we could try different positions and if I could see you when you’re orgasming’. Finish by telling him something positive again. It could be something like; ‘It feels so good to be able to look in your eyes as you orgasm’.
You will feel much better for speaking your truth and then can give him the opportunity to say how he feels and what is on his mind. Keeping lines of communication open and clear will sort things out and get you back on track.