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We want to have a threesome

Dear Rebecca,


I’ve always fantasised about being with two men at the same time and recently my boyfriend suggested we try a threesome. He said he’d be happy with either a man or woman joining us and so I told him about my fantasy. Now we’re seriously considering it but not sure how to go about it. Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Holly

Hi Holly,

Thank you for your email. Ooh, how exciting that you’re both up for exploring something new and for you, getting to fulfil a long term fantasy!

Here are my thoughts on creating a great threesome experience:

Communication – it sounds like you must have pretty good communication already if you’re able to discuss your fantasies. As you’re making decisions about the threesome (who, where, when, how) make sure you keep communication clear, open and honest. Really listen to each other’s needs, worries and concerns. Don’t sweep any feeling under the carpet.

Boundaries – Before you invite someone to join you, decide between the two of you what’s ok and what isn’t ok. Are you both happy for the other to be kissed, stroked, penetrated, etc. It’s perfectly natural to have boundaries and it doesn’t have to be an ‘anything goes’ event. You might have things that are definitely ok, some that are definitely not ok and some that you’ll just have to see how it feels at the time. Bear that in mind when things are getting hot and steamy and make sure you communicate then too.

Health and safety – Threesomes happen in lots of ways. Sometimes it’s a spontaneous meeting that happens at a party, club or wherever and sometimes it’s a well thought out, planned event. Either way, inviting someone new into your bed requires a sexual health and safety chat and obvious precautions. Use condoms, gloves and dental dams as necessary. Don’t forget to put condoms on any sex toys you’re using as well as people!

Finding the right person – This can be the trickiest or most wonderful part of the experience. Ideally you want to find exactly the right person who will bring some added zing to the party while respecting the boundaries of your relationship. You might just meet someone who fits the bill and you both know instantly that this is the person, or you might want to take some time to talk about potential partners. Either way, make 100% sure you both agree on the person before approaching them.

When it finally comes round to happening, keep communication open, relax and just see what happens. It might be the most fun, amazing and saucy night of your life or it might not work this particular time. Look after yourself and each other and either way you’ll be able to say you gave it a go.

Hope you have lots of sexy fun!

With love,

Rebecca

 

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