We want to go to a sex club

Dear Rebecca,

My partner and I are thinking about going to a sex club. We’ve never been to one, but are feeling adventurous! Do you have any tips for making it a safe and fun experience?





Dear Mary,

Sex clubs can be lots of fun or slightly disastrous depending on what you’re expecting and, of course, making sure you find the right club for you.

Before you go


Do some research to help you decide where you’d like to go.  Ask friends for recommendations or have a look at online, kink-aware websites and forums. Lots of clubs are aimed at particular tastes such as FemDom and other clubs will often have themed evenings that they will expect you to dress up for. See what attracts you or what you’re both interested in.

Once you’ve decided which club you’d like to go to, have a good read of their website. Most clubs will list their house rules so you know before you get there what the etiquette is.

It’s always a good idea to decide any boundaries you both have before you go out. For instance, are you happy for the other to play with someone else? If so, in what way? Do you want to stick together for your first time out? What are your expectations for the night?

Consider safe sex. It’s always a good idea to bring your own condoms, lubricant and sex toys.

Have fun while you’re getting ready! There’s nothing quite like getting the party started before you go! Put on some fab music, flirt outrageously with each other and get your sexy juices flowing before you even leave the house!

Once you’re there

Take some time to get acquainted with the layout and feel of the place. There’s no rush to start playing. You might like to watch some play first to help you ease your way in. Part of going to a club is to socialize so don’t be shy about starting conversations with folk. You might learn something new or make a great new friend! I would personally also recommend taking it easy with drink.

A few good rules to always remember:

Always get consent before you touch someone

Stay out of the way of swinging floggers and other toys

NEVER touch someone else’s toys without explicit consent

Never interrupt someone else’s scene

When you get home

Make sure you check in with each other after the event. Talk about how you found it, what you liked, what you might do differently. Perhaps you enjoyed it but the club wasn’t quite for you or you would like to try again but with different rules or expectations. Really listen to what each other has to say so if you want to try it again, you’ll know how to improve your experience.

Most of all, keep a sense of humour. You are trying something exciting and new. You both might absolutely love it or really not like it at all. Either way is fine, just enjoy the adventure!

With love,



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