I have a real problem, but I’m afraid my friends will laugh at me if I share it with them. I seem to be horny all the time. I’m not currently in a relationship, so I masturbate a lot, but it doesn’t help after a while and to be honest, isn’t very satisfying. Also, I know it can’t be good for me to masturbate as much as I do. Please can you help?
Thank you for your email. I can see how having an abundance of sexual energy can get tiring if all you do with it is masturbate it away. Fortunately there are lots of ways to have that energy and to use it to your advantage.
Sexual energy is life-force energy, the very thing that creates life, so it is very powerful, very potent. Because we are not taught what to do with this energy, we often feel it arise then think we immediately need to put out that fire. We feel arousal, our sexual energy comes alive and we feel like we need to ‘do something about it’ or quench the desire. However, that only gets us back to square one, back to where the energy will just rise up again. It can be much more fulfilling to learn to be with this energy in different ways without having to extinguish it or be driven crazy by it.
The next time you’re feeling horny, feeling this full flow of sexual energy through you, just sit with it. Don’t move to ‘wank’ it away or get rid of it. See if you can sit or lie down and just experience the powerful energy flowing through you. It is quite magnificent to experience! Notice what you feel, what your body feels. At first, you might feel the urgency to release the energy through orgasm. See if you can just relax into the feeling. Take some long, slow deep breaths. Using your intention and your breath, see if you can send the energy from your genitals to other parts of your body. For example, can you send the energy to your shoulders, your ankles, your belly, and your spine? You can even use your hands to guide the energy from your genitals to other parts of your body. How does it feel to spread the energy? Remember to keep relaxing into the feeling. You may start to find that your whole body feels alive and energised.
Experiment with different ways of masturbating, just to change things up and keep it interesting, maybe even try out some male sex toys. You can learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation and then you can still experience lots of orgasms without losing your energy through ejaculation. Try out a male masturbator like a Fleshlight or TENGA. Take time to explore your prostate to add new dimensions to your pleasure. Remember to just notice the feelings in your body and choose whether you want to come or not. You might start to get just as much pleasure from the play as from the orgasm.
There’s lots of other ways to be with your sexual energy as well. Use it to get yourself moving. Get creative! Use all that sexual energy to write erotica, paint your home or learn a new skill. Go dancing! Try tango, salsa, lindy hopping or other forms of energetic dance. Use it in the gym, go for a run or swim. I often use my sexual energy to do the hoovering, the shopping or the washing up. All of these things take energy and what better or fun way than using sexual energy. It certainly makes getting the mundane things done much more interesting!
Most of all learn to see your beautiful sexual energy as healthy and life affirming. Allow yourself to feel alive with it, to celebrate it and to enjoy it in as many ways as you can.
With love and delight,