Should we be thinking about safe sex?

Dear Rebecca,

My partner and I occasionally invite another woman to join us for sexual adventures. We’ve done this 3 or 4 times so far. During these sessions I never penetrate the other woman, but we all engage in oral and manual sex. So far we’ve not used any protection for this, but I’m starting to think we should if we’re going to carry on. What would your advice be?



Hi Gordon,

Thank you for your email. You definitely need to discuss this with your partner and decide what feels right for both of you – as individuals and as a couple. Personally, I would always recommend going for the safest option. Unfortunately there are just too many possibilities for contracting an STI and I wouldn’t want to take that chance.

My advice would be for you and your partner to get full sexual health checks to start with. Then get rechecked at least once a year or if you’re having lots of different partners then even more frequently. I’d use condoms on any sex toys you share and on you if you were receiving oral sex from someone who is not your partner. I’d also recommend using a dental dam or cling film as protection for oral sex with a woman. If any fingers or hands being used for pleasure have any cuts on them or there’s any risk that one person might pass something on to others then you could also use gloves or finger cots.

Ultimately you are responsible for your own sexual health and for making sure that any partners you have are also safe. When it comes to sexuality the old adage, ‘It’s better to be safe than sorry’ really is true!

Wishing you lots of safe and sexy fun!

With love,


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