Hi ya Rachel,
In need of some advice,I’m having trouble getting turned on when it comes to sex with my boyfriend.
It’s really strange as I find him extremely sexy and it’s not that he’s doing anything wrong,
It’s just when it comes to it, I find it really uncomfortable and often painful,
Sometimes, he can’t even get it up as it hurts me too much.
Do you have any advice as I don’t want this to ruin our sex life.
Thanks for your letter. I’m sorry to hear that sex is feeling painful with your partner and I completely understand your concerns that this could lead to problems in your relationship. Hopefully you feel able to share how you’re feeling with your partner and that he is understanding and willing to work towards a solution.
I wish I knew more about you, as what you’re experiencing could be due to a number of factors both physical and emotional.
I would firstly suggest that you rule out the physical by going to your GP and asking for a physical examination, as well as STD tests. For example, Candida, a common yeast infection can cause vaginal discomfort and low libido.
If you get the all clear, then I suggest that you and your partner discuss ways to have sexual intimacy that do not involve intercourse. It could simply be that you need to relax. You should never feel under pressure to have sex as there are lots of ways to be sexy that can pleasure you both. For example caressing and sensuously massaging one another with indulgent massage oil is great for increasing intimacy and if it’s stress that is affecting your sex drive, this should help you to relax you too.
There are also many alternatives to get him off, like your hand, mouth or between your breasts with silicone lubricant.
Look on the bright side of this difficult time, hopefully you and your partner will experiment with new ways to be intimate together.
All the best,